A Plateau or A Ledge?

I often wake up in the morning with a song (or songs) playing in my head. I began writing them down several years ago as I grew more certain of the probability that they were placed there by God to minister to me, either in my sleep or when I awoke. I record them in my journal right under the date of a new day's entry. Sometimes there is no direct "message" for me through them but rather they're just beautiful praises to start my day with. Other times, there seems to be something directed right at my heart, something I need in a particular season. Sometimes I find, as the day's events unfold, my morning song is just what I need to help me through a challenge or disappointment. It comes to my mind along with the marveling that God placed it there for me before the challenge even reared it's head.  Here's how I noted my morning songs before I began writing the journal entry I'm about to share with you farther below:
"She's a broken lady, waiting to be mended
and have what's left of the pieces
put back in place."
(an old country song by the Gatlin brothers)
"Take it a day, a day at a time.
One foot in front of the other."
(from Amy Grant's newest album)

I hadn't heard the old Gatlin brothers song, Broken Lady, in decades. Yet God played it for me on the radio just days before I was to get a big reminder of how broken I still am. And then He used it so neatly this morning in conjuction with Amy Grant's song to encourage me that the mending of brokenness --and the putting back together of the pieces of brokenness--occur one day at a time, one choice at a time.

I then went on to write:

I have been resting on a plateau for some time now as regards fear. But that resting has also been resistance and reluctance to continue the climb. The journey is not over. There is more fear to conquer, more trust to engage. Because I am so fear prone, I think my life will be an endless climb over new fears and new challenges that lie outside my safety zone.

I think I had deluded myself  (by the ostrich's famous head-in-the-sand method) into thinking I could rest on this plateau indefinitely. However, it's more like a ledge than a plateau. A plateau elicits pictures of a wide open space, like a mesa, where there's room to roam and live freely. I thought the remainder of the climb --the finishing of the victory over fear -- would be subtle and accomplished in me gently and almost imperceptibly, without actual work on my part. Without effort and strain, without the assault of "fits of fear", big fears.

How naive of me. Like Much Afraid's journey in Hinds Feet On High Places, sometimes there are quiet days where The Shepherd leads along a gentle path. Then, all of a sudden He brings me to a cliff and says "Climb. Your destination is at the top."

I thought I was doing well with my fears until then. I rejoiced in how far removed I've felt and how far I've come from my starting point down in the "valley" where I was completely under the grip of fear all the time. I thought I could sort of coast from here on out.  It seems I delude myself with this notion repeatedly. Until He brings me a challenge bigger and more frightening than ever before. And I realize, in the ambush of old familiar fears, that I have gained only a measure of victory thus far. There is much more to conquer.

I also realize I have a choice. Will I press on, move forward despite my fresh fear, and face the climb? Or will I stay on this ledge?

Staying where I am resembles the place way back where I started, the place where I gave in to fear as a regular habit of my life. Staying here is, in essence, the same as going back.  He is calling me upward. He is calling me to move. Staying put on the ledge of partial maturity --partial victory, partial healing, partial trust-- when He is calling me up the cliff is basically the same thing as staying put in the valley from where I came. The choice is the same. It feels just as scary. In either place I have sheltered myself in a house made from the 2x4's of fear.  "OK, this is far enough. I've come a long way and it feels so much better," I say to myself as I ignore the remainder of the mountain above me. 

Staying here on this ledge of progress is the same as staying down below would have been. But why, when I've come so far and I'm in a different place than when I started?  Why is it the same when I've reached a measure of growth and victory far beyond where I started? Because it's the same refusal to the same questions posed to me by God:

Will you let Me lead you out of slavery to fear or will you stay in your slavery?

Will you let Me lead you to freedom or will you choose to be led and controlled by fear?

Will you follow Me to freedom or will you follow fear deeper into oppression?

Staying here on this ledge of progress (but not completion) is just as much a refusal to follow Him into freedom as it was in the years I remained in the valley from where I've traveled. Each refusal actually sends me backward on my journey.

I have come too far on this journey to want to lose ground and go back into the oppression from where I've come. I want more freedom. Acquiring it means traveling through another gauntlet of fear. Not just another, but many through the coming years.

But for now, it's just this one.

God is Good

Hi Folks.  I'm just jumping on here to apologize for not posting for so long.  I just got back from a month out of town and it's taking me longer than I expected to settle back into things here at home. I hope to get some things up here before too much longer.  Hang in there with me and check back in.  A nifty little feature I managed to figure out how to include on this blog is the Subscription feature to the right.  Just click on it, fill in your email address, and whenever I post to From Fear To Eternity you'll get an email notifying you. No random checking the blog to see if I've posted yet...you'll know in your email.  Slick, huh?

In the meantime, remember: 

God is great. God is good.

His definition of "good" is different than ours...higher than ours...but we can trust it and rest in it, even if it may hurt for the moment.  His definition of "good" for our lives is not arbitrary or random, or simply declared "good"  because He is God and He can define things as He wants.  He really is utterly, absolutely, always good.  It's just that His definition is based on a value system that's higher than ours.  It's an eternal value system.  There is a higher good than our earthly comfort, ease, or pleasure.  Sometimes that higher good must trump the earthly good we know, and love, and want.  Trusting God and accepting what He has for us in the moment will bring peace and rest, and a pleasure of His presence that is so comforting, strengthening, and priceless.

Blessings to you, dear ones.

Find What You're Looking For

This past summer I bought Amy Grant's new CD, Somewhere Down The Road.  It was my CD of the summer and I have loved it.  One of her songs talks about how we can either look for the good in people or  or look for the bad in people.  Either way, we'll find what we're looking for.  Guaranteed.  In every person is good and bad.  We will find what we're looking for.

Recently, it came to my attention that this concept applies to my fear, too.  Being a "fraidy cat" as I am, I tend to always have my guard up.  I'm always on the look-out for danger and threats.  It's as if internally and subconsciously I have a radio scanner going, scanning for trouble.  I stand with my own sword and shield (instead of God's sword and shield) at the ready to defend against whatever might do me harm. Fear is my signal that something is threatening.  Only problem is, my history and my junk create a whole boat-load of perceived dangers and I end up afraid of more than I need to be afraid of, more than I should be afraid of.

The other day, I realized that if I have my guard up and my radio scanner on, looking for things to be afraid of...I will find them.  There are plenty of things to be afraid of in this world.  Add to them the things I exaggerate or make up, and "dangers" (whether real or perceived) are everywhere.  I can become besieged, stagnant and frozen.  That's not how God wants me to live.  That's not the kind of life Christ died to give me.

So, I'm on a new adventure, trying to NOT look for things to be afraid of in any given circumstance.  Or person.  Sometimes, my fear can totally mess up my relationships with people.  If I'm always on guard looking for the things that trigger my fear warning bells, then I'm going to find them in people.  I don't want to live like that any more.  I want to live freely, fully, and joyfully.  I want to look for the joy, the opportunity, the love, the blessing.  I want to look for GOD in every circumstance and in every encounter and relationship.  I will certainly find what I'm looking for.

The What Ifs

"He will not fear evil tidings; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is upheld, he will not fear."  ~Psalm 112:7-8a

There it was: one of my worst fears staring back at me as I looked out the sandwich shop window.  A knot of fear barged in and took up residence within me as I looked at a sky filled with the huge black and orange plumes of a forest fire burning about 20 miles away.  It was June and the trees of our drought stricken forests contained less moisture than the average two-by-four. We learned later that the first few hours of the fire saw it spread from several hundred acres to 50,000 acres.

The fire was in the direction from which our winds always come. If firefighters didn't get a handle on this thing, it could rage right through town.  We live another 20 or so miles beyond the town and though we were safe for the time being, the threat was getting more and more aggressive with each passing day.  And day after day, the fire continued to beat the firefighters.

Several parts of town had been on a one-hour evacuation alert ever since the very first day.  That meant if an evacuation were called, they would have one hour to get out of town.  For days, all around town, parking lots were filled with cars loaded up with valuables, pets, necessities, and with boats and trailers hitched up. People couldn't risk the chance of an evacuation being called while they were at the grocery store.  They wouldn't have time to go back home and get their pets and valuables, so they took them with them everywhere.  It was surreal and all of it added to my fear.  What if the fire hits town?  What if it levels the town?  What if there's no economy left?  What if everyone moves away? 

On the fifth day, the evacuation of over 20,000 people was ordered. Townspeople were scattered all over the area and even all over the state.  Some friends and their pets came to stay with us.  We tuned into the press conferences 2-3 times per day.  Every day was the same: no progress, zero containment of "the monster".    Sheriff's officers came by with pamphlets about how to prepare for evacuation.  Let me tell you, I was way ahead of them with photos, heirlooms, valuables, paperwork, pet supplies and more being collected into storage bins in the living room.  That knot in my stomach was turning into an ulcer.

I was plagued with fear and the What Ifs pulled at me like an undertow in the ocean.  What if we have to evacuate? What if our house burns down?  What if it turns our woods into a charred wasteland?  What if we have to move away?  What if we can't sell the land?  What if we have to stay? What if we don't get enough insurance money to rebuild?  On and on they needled me, jabbing me with fresh fear thoughout each day.  I remember cherishing those first few seconds of the morning before I was fully awake, when I did not yet remember about the fire and our circumstances. Those brief moments were the only time I felt normal or safe.  For those few seconds only, I didn't feel the gnawing pain in my stomach caused by my fear of the fire and all that it could take from me.  All too quickly, reality invaded my awakening mind, and the knot and fear would be back.

It took well into the next week for the happy news to come over the TV from our favorite fire spokesman.  Five percent containment!  Woohoo!  We rejoiced as if the fire was over entirely. Finally there was a shred of hope. With this happy news I began to exhale. The crisis had abated by just 5% but it allowed me to catch my breath and shake off the panic.  Somehow ---God must have plopped it right into my being (another "jump start" I suppose) --- I realized what I need to do when I'm faced with an onslaught of the What Ifs.  Most people say to ignore the What Ifs. Don't go there, they day.  Don't worry about what hasn't happened yet. Don't borrow trouble, etc.  Contrary to this, one day during evacuation, I found myself seriously asking all the questions that had been circling around me like sharks, sharks that I knew were there but kept trying to ignore.

Then, cha-ching, the so-obvious-it-escaped-me method of dealing with the What Ifs unfolded for me.  Not only did I start asking  the haunting What Ifs, I actually began to answer them!   "WHAT IF we have to evacuate?"  "Well," I answered, "we have about seven family members that we could go stay with in the state. We have a bunch of friends that we could stay with, too.  People would help us.  OK, if we had to evacuate, we wouldn't be out on the street."

Next up: "WHAT IF our house burns down?"  "OK, it would be sad.  Very sad. We'd lose some precious things, and it would hurt a lot.  We'd have to start over.  We have insurance so we'd get another home built somewhere.  It would be an inconvenience and a sadness for a long time, but we wouldn't be homeless."

On and on I went, imagining myself in the very situations that had taunted me all week.  As I answered the What Ifs, I found they lost their power over me.  Facing them and seeing them straight on,  I saw they were not as frightening as they were when they hovered around my periphery. I discovered that, though it would be sad, difficult, and inconvenient, it wouldn't be the end of the world.  I learned that I could get through it with God's help.

I think what makes the What Ifs so frightening and stressful is the huge element of the unknown they contain. When I go ahead and ask AND answer them, it takes the threats, the challenges, and the issues out of the realm of the unexplored and places them into the realm of the explored. They seem to lose quite a bit of their power over me that way.  And it snaps me out of my panic mode and helps usher me into trusting God.

One week after the evacuation was called, it was lifted.  Over 450 structures were lost in the fire that burned 465,000 acres before it was finished.  Two of our friends lost their homes.  It was a difficult and emotional time.  "The Fire" seemed to consume the entire summer right along with all those miles of forest. 

I took away a great lesson from that whole ordeal.  It's a lesson that pairs nicely with my "Though He Slay Me" experience through which I realized that even if God allowed "the worst" to happen in my life, He would be the only means of me getting through it.  They both lead me to TRUST Him with whatever I'm afraid of.  Now, when assaulted with the What Ifs, I try to remember early on to go ahead and ask.  And answer.  Answering them makes me realize I have God's provision, help and strength available to see me through whatever "what if" scenario might come to pass. This in turn helps me TRUST Him and find rest from much of my fear.

Fear and Trust in a Train Station

"Lord, all my desire is before Thee; and my sighing is not hidden from Thee.  My heart throbs, my strength fails me; and the light of my eyes, even that has gone from me."   ~Psalm 38:9-10

Next to this verse, written in the margin of a worn Bible of mine, is the date July 3, 1984.  I was so scared as the train I was on arrived in Germany. It was my first time in a country that didn't speak English. I was alone. It was the middle of the night, and I had to change trains. But first I had a two hour layover. 

Did I mention that it was in the middle of the night?  In a foreign country?  It was also in an underground train station.  In the middle of the ni.... well you get the picture:  I was scared.  No, I was gripped with fear. And didn't know how to deal with it. To be honest, in my naivete, I think I was mostly afraid of the train change. I was so afraid of getting on the wrong train. But I also felt an overall vulnerability and I didn't know what awaited me.
I prayed for the concerns in my heart:  protection, someone safe to help direct me, that I'd get on the right train. Still, fear was squeezing my heart. 

About 20 minutes away from the station, I reached for my Bible to calm my fears. I leafed through the Psalms, the comforting Psalms, and found this verse.


"Lord, all my desire is before Thee, and my sighing is not hidden from Thee."  (Psalm 38:9-10)

The words of the psalmist, spoken from his own overwhelming experience, seemed to reach into every cell of my body.  It brought me comfort just to hear those words.  They brought me to what I needed to do.  As I read this verse, I seemed to throw all my "desire", all my emotion and fear, out in front of me and before God saying, "Here it is. Help me." 

I was still afraid, I still felt the squeeze on my heart, but it was much less than it was before.  Somehow the words of a comrade in the trenches of an overwhelming battle enticed me to take hold of all the fear in my heart and place it before God.  I think that may have been the first time I actually trusted Him with my fears, rather than simply panicking in front of Him through prayer.

As I remember the situation, I had thought the American guy sitting near me on the train, with whom I had had some conversation during our ride, would be a help and comfort to me during my layover.  But no.  He seemed to specifically not want anything to do with being chivalrous to a young lady alone in a foreign underground train station in the middle of the night.  Once he got himself and his huge backpack off the train, he charged off on his personal mission. I was on my own.

Once I got off the train and saw how nearly vacant the place was, I realized just how vulnerable my situation was. The only place for me to ask a question about my next train was inside a bar. As I went in, it was the very definition of "seedy looking". Dark. Gloomy yellow lights scattered here and there throughout the place. Men whose heads all turned when this 24 year old girl came walking in alone at 2:00 in the morning. But the bartender helped me. He told me where my next train would arrive. 
Still feeling fearful, I was peeved at the American guy and his lack of compassion for my situation. I thought he must have been in a hurry to catch his own train but I later saw him leaning against a wall with his backpack, simply waiting.  I was on my own, without a protector, as far as people go.  

In hindsight, I see that this was one of those "good" things that seemed on the surface to not be good. I was on my own; I had to trust God.  The work of trust I experienced on the train approaching the station required a continued trust throughout my two hour wait. 

The comfort I received from reading the words of another desperate soul has stuck with me over all these years.  This verse reminds me how I can cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).  More than just the statement of fact in 1 Peter, this verse in the Psalms was like getting a glimpse of someone actually doing it.  And it helped me do it.

God protected me during my two hour wait. He kept me safe while I "enjoyed" the company of a drunken Asian guy who joined me on my lone train platform in a dead-end alcove. And I did indeed make it onto the right train. I will always remember that situation. The fear, the real vulnerability, the comfort from the Psalms, and the trust in God joined together to make a milestone experience for me.

"casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you."  ~ 1 Peter 5:7

Besieged

"Blessed be the Lord for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city."  ~Psalm 31:21

A strategy of war is to cut off a city from all it's connection with the outside world.  In biblical times cities were often contained within high walls erected to keep enemies out.  Sometimes, however, an enemy would surround the city, making it impossible for anyone of the city to come or go from it's gates.  Without access to the outside, food could not be brought in from the fields or water from the wells.  The objective of the enemy was that as food and supplies dwindled, the people would become desperate for their lives and give themselves over into their hands.

Have you ever felt like fear had you besieged?  I sure have.  Sometimes fear has surrounded me on all sides and blocked off all influx of what I needed to live appropriately.  Rational thought? Cut off.  Common sense? Cut off.  Thought for others?  Cut off.  Strength from God?  Cut off.  Comfort? Hope? Cut off.

When I get so twisted up by fear, God is still there.  So why can't I access Him? Why can't He get through?

I have come to know that when I can't find God in the midst of my fear - in the midst of a fear induced besiegement - it is because I am focusing on my fear rather than focusing on God.  My back it to God while my face is to my fear.  "Where are You,  God?", I shout into my fear.  He replies from behind me, "I am here. Turn to Me."

The amazing thing about our God is that He will even help us turn to Him.  He delights in our baby steps.
"Lord, help me turn to You."  There is also our choice involved.  And we can call upon Him to help us make that choice.  When I get afraid, I can choose to look to Him by reciting scripture to myself, listing off truths about Him and His love, and physically grabbing my Bible and reading His word to us.  Pretty soon, my focus is off my fear because it is on Him. Focusing on Him REPLACED my fear. 

The whole concept of turning is the definition of repentance.  The word "repent" means "to turn".  It's not just a matter of turning FROM fear; it's a matter of turning TO Him.  In fact, I don't think that turning FROM (fear or sin) by itself will really do us any good.  We have to turn TO Jesus.  In fact, I believe that it is by turning to Jesus that we accomplish the turning from we need to do. We actually turn from fear BY turning to Him.

And by turning TO Him, we have eyes to see the lovingkindness He wants to give us.  He loves us so dearly that we can dare to ask Him to show us His love for us.  In the midst of our struggles and failures with fear, He stands ready to show us His love.  He is always ready to marvel us with His detailed love for us even in the midst of my tangle with fear. 

Blessed be the Lord for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city."

Stubborn As A.....

"Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, otherwise they will not come near to you."    ~ Psalm 32:9

Boy, does that verse describe my struggles with God over His definition of safety!  Not a very pleasant description, but it has been true of me more often than I care to admit.

That verse directly and unflatteringly addressed my whole struggle with resisting the provision of God's protection - which was not safe enough for me, according to my master, Fear.

Fear can still keep me away from God.  It can even make me struggle against Him, requiring a "bit and a bridle otherwise I will not come near" to Him.  What a shame it is when I will not come near to the very source of peace and comfort in the midst of my fear! 

There's a trail to follow here.  I resist because I'm afraid.  I'm afraid because I don't trust His love for me.   Perfect love casts out fear. (I John 4:18)  Only God perfectly loves.  As I BELIEVE His love and TRUST His love, my fear gets casts out.  It gets replaced.  Because "there is no fear in love" (also 1 John 4:18), when I choose to trust His love, fear gets shoved aside as my master. With eyes on the One True Master, and the immensity of His love for me, I am more eager for His nearness and resting in His love than I am in "trusting" my fear.

Love, Trust, and Safety

"Since you are precious in My sight, Since you are honored and I love you.....Do not fear, for I am with you."  ~ Isaiah 43:4-5

Remember  1 John 4:18?  "...perfect love casts out fear..."

With perfection of love comes perfection of protection.  It took me a long while to stop struggling against this truth. I recently read a quote by C.S. Lewis that sums up my struggle:

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."   ~ C.S. Lewis.

I struggled immensely against God's definitions of "good", "best", and "safe" as pertains specifically to me.  I didn't want to submit to His definitions; I wanted Him to submit to mine.  I had what I was sure was a better plan for my protection and I would not give it up.  I was too afraid to trust in His because His didn't look safe enough for me.  Then one day I found myself in a great deal of physical pain, and indeed, a long season of many kinds of pain (which I have yet to write about here) and through a "jump start", the "help of His presence" (Psalm 42:5) was proven true for me.  I found comfort in His love and presence. I let the physical pain all go from within my grasp and placed the full weight of it and my fear of it onto Him.  I got a taste of what He means by "Trust Me."

When I TRUST in His love,I realize that I am safe.  We are safe.  Not just a measure of safe, or "safe-enough-by-His-definition-but-not-by-mine-thank-you-very-much".  We are safe.  We still have to go through the hard stuff.  (There's the rub!) What we face will probably still be hard.  It might hurt.  But we are safe under His love. 

We really have only two choices. 
1. We can run up close to Him under the shelter of His wings.
-or-
2. We can stay out in the open doing battle with our challenges and fears all alone, vulnerable to their taunts and succumbing to their powers. 

TRUST HIS LOVE.  When I give up the fight of insisting He give me a "better deal", a more inclusive guarantee, and strip it down to the simplicity of those two choices, then it's an easy choice really.  Do I want to face this scary thing WITHOUT HIM or WITH HIM?  If I choose to go through it without Him then I can expect no peace, no easing of my fears, no comfort.  I can expect continued fear through every step of the process.  If I choose to go through it with Him, I still have to go through it, BUT, if I hand over my stubborn will and my fear to Him, I will receive peace, comfort for my fear, plus the confidence that I am safe.

Trusting the Rope - Psalm 138:8

"The LORD will accomplish what concerns me." ~ Psalm 138:8


This is what gives us courage, believing and TRUSTING that God will accomplish what concerns us. He promises to take care of our needs and to be there with us during everything that's hard. Learning to let go of my fear and "trust the rope" that is our all-loving, all-powerful God, can be a baby-steps kind of venture. I once had a psychologist say to me, "Try making a decision based on something other than fear." Wow. I was so wrapped up in fear I didn't even realize what an embarrassing testimony that was of my life. But after all these years (about 30) I have not forgotten his words. They are a good challenge whenever I am tempted to base a decision purely - or even mostly - on fear. I have to include God into my decision-making, asking Him to help me make the right decision based on the whole gamut of factors. I have to pray that He not let fear dominate, or shove aside, other important factors involved. If I remain afraid after looking at all aspects of a decision and determining the right thing to do is the very thing I'm so afraid of doing, then I need to TRUST God with it all.

I always seem to capitalize that word TRUST. In my journal, it is always capitalized. The reason, I know, is because it is so profoundly foundational that I cannot help emphasizing it as I write it. I want it to stand out, not only as I leaf through the pages of my journal at some later date, but I also want it to stand out AS I'm writing it. TRUST. It is so important. It is THE crux of our relationship with God. As I capitalize the letters in this word, I am trying to drill them deeper and deeper into my very soul in reminder.

The Lord Goes With You - Deut. 31:6

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you."  ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

God is always with us, right there with us.  When we're in the trenches with fear, we may feel that the only thing with us is whatever threat there is and our fear of it.  But God is there, too.  He is not standing there saying to us, "You should..., you ought...,  why don't you...?, what's the matter with you?"  He is tenderly with us, loving us, waiting for us to turn around and  be enfolded in His arms where He can comfort us and strengthen us to walk WITH HIM through whatever frightening thing we are facing.

Jump Starts

I don't know about you but sometimes I am blessed with what I call "jump starts." The Holy Spirit resides within every Believer empowering us to live the life God has called us to and provided for us. Unfortunately, our old spirit, "the flesh" resides right along side, making our every action a choice as to who we're going to listen to. There are times when I am certain I have been helped to choose the choice of the Spirit. Sometimes doing the right thing is so far from my current maturity that it seems impossible to grab hold of the promised power of the Holy spirit within me and thereby enable myself to do the Spirit thing. Sometimes I can see the right move - trusting God, for example - but the powers of fear, stubbornness, selfishness, or rebellion are cresting so high at that moment or period of my life that how to actually make that choice is just plain off my radar.

A handful of times in my life, I feel like I've been given a "jump start" by the Holy Spirit. Let me expound. In the midst of my years of God's longstanding call for me to trust Him, I was clutching onto my fear so much that I just could not figure out how to let go and how to trust God. What is it supposed to feel like? How do I know I've let go and how do I know I've trusted Him?  How do I do it?  Just saying the words didn't do it. What is the experience like? How do I actually do it? I didn't know what the target was experientially.

Then one day, my jaw started to hurt. It got so bad I had to leave work. Then the other side started in. I was in deep, deep pain. I missed several days of work.  I parked myself on the couch and was in misery.  I took my pain to God.  By now I had come a little closer to accepting the fact that God sometimes allows "bad" things in our lives.  I struggled with His sovereignty in such matters, wondering how to pray.  Do I pray for Him to take away what He has obviously allowed?  I didn't know how to pray. I wanted the pain to go away but when I began to pray I heard  my inner voice saying, "Let it have it's perfect work in me, Lord."

What? Where did that come from? That definitely didn't well up from within my own self. But because I said it, and mysteriously meant it, now I had something to go on in the trusting God arena. I felt it. I felt the letting go of my control and my fearful resistance in the matter. I felt a giving of myself over to God in the situation, whether or not He changed it.  So this is what it is to trust Him! I now had an inner target for future acts of trust.

The Bible says that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and He is God's power within us. We all have areas where our spiritual capacity seems blocked by scar tissue or sin. I believe the Holy Spirit can and does sometimes give us a "jump start" to cross over a threshold that requires us to move spiritual muscles in ways we haven't yet learned to move them. In having them moved for us, we learn how to participate in that same movement the next time. I now sometimes find myself praying for God to overcome the spiritual barriers in people by giving them a jump start so they can experience what it is He has for them, so they can taste it, feel it, and savor it. So they can long for it again and run to choose it again later on,  thereby learning to live it.  When I sense a blind spot in my heart, a place where I know something is wrong but don't have a grasp on what it is, I ask for a jump start.  God may choose to give me one or He may choose to open my eyes in another more gradual way.  It's up to Him and I trust Him with it.
Whatever your threshold, whatever your barrier, your "off radar" challenge, I pray that God will give you a jump start so you can know and enjoy the spiritual place He is calling you to.  However He chooses to enlarge your steps, I pray that you will trust Him in the process.

Called To A Large Place

The call was clear. During the period of my resistance to God - the period where my pencil was hovering over the choice of A or B but I was really holding out for the sudden appearance of a non-existent Option C - the call of God in my life was loud and clear. "Trust Me." Over and over again I heard Him say it. Over and over again, I ignored it. Still, as resistant and afraid as I was, there was a deep longing within me to relinquish everything over to Him. I was tired. I knew what the Bible says: that God is good, He dearly loves us, He is trustworthy. These truths about Him just didn't look like I wanted them to. I wanted to trust Him. I wanted to be done with the fight. I couldn't articulate it at the time, but I've come to know now that there is REST in trusting Him. I needed and craved that rest.

"Cease striving and know that I am God." I was expending so much energy in striving, searching for the elusive "safe enough" existence this side of heaven. I seemed to think I would find it somewhere in between a life given over to God's care and a life still much in my own guardianship. Walking a fence can be very tiring. Imagine that literally for a moment. Not a wall. A fence. A skinny wooden fence, or a chain link fence. Your footing is only going to be about 2 inches maximum. Teetering, tottering, grasping the air for balance, feet sore and slipping, muscles tense and ever on guard for the next little crisis of the walk.

Psalm 31:8b says "You have set my feet in a large place." After a precarious journey - on a fence or up the treacherous cliff side of some hardship - a large place sounds mighty good. I wanted that large place where I could find rest for my tired and sore spiritual "feet". It was my soul that longed for the rest. Deep inside I think I knew the rest I craved would be found on the other side of relinquishing the battle and accepting the safety offered by God. I knew I needed to come to the place where His "safe' for me, was safe enough for me.  The large place with sure footing that I longed for was only to be found in trusting God with all of me.

A friend of mine once went to a wilderness camp with the girls she was leading in a Bible Study. Doing a week long wilderness hike was definitely not something my friend was interested in but that's what these girls wanted to do. They had been together in this Bible study since they were Freshman and now they were Seniors. My friend lovingly and bravely agreed to join them in their last summer camp experience as a group. One day on their journey, they had to rappel down the side of a cliff. My friend was terrified. There was no way around it, she had to do it. She watched as everyone else descended down. Way too soon it was her turn. She was buckled in and given the instructions she'd heard a number of times already as they were told to the rest of the party. She inched her way off the edge, holding tightly to the ropes with her arms. "Trust the rope!" was shouted from above and below. She couldn't. She was too afraid. She rappelled down the whole way clutching the rope for dear life, believing she had to support herself with her own strength. By the time she got to the bottom her arms were shaking from trying to support her whole body weight and, she thought, keep herself from falling. If only she had trusted the rope. She didn't believe the rope was trustworthy. She didn't believe the rope would hold her. She didn't feel safe with the rope carrying her. She thought she had to do it herself with her own inadequate strength.

Years ago when I was first going through Christian counseling and support group studies I had a sense that I was clinging to something, desperately clutching something. I envisioned a tangible something, like a post or a fence pole and I could see myself almost glued to it, clutching it and holding onto it with every fiber of my being, much like my friend and her repelling rope. I didn't know what it was, but I had the strong sense that I was clinging to it desperately. In the years since, I've come to believe what I want most to cling to is a multi-headed monster. I want to keep clutching for Control - trying to manage my world and keep it safe and comfortable by my definitions, Fear - as a means of trying to control my world, and Self - my way, my wants, my needs, (my, my, my), also as a means of trying to make my world safe and comfortable.

Yet, God's call was clear to me. "Trust Me.' I didn't even know how. I prayed for him to pry my fingers off that pole one at a time if He had to, and teach me how to trust Him. In the next couple of posts I'll tell you a couple of ways He began prying my fingers loose.

Is Safe Enough Safe Enough?

Generally speaking, I've wanted all my fears to go away before I would trust God in a scary situation. Just take my fear away, God, and then I'll move forward, do that thing, obey Your bidding, etc.  I came to realize a couple things about this desire of mine, however. One: That's not really trusting God at all. It's more like trusting myself - if I'm not afraid of something then I have a pretty good notion that I can handle it. If I think I can handle it, then I'm not likely to trust God with it.

Two: God is much more interested in my spiritual maturity, my heart, and my having an intimate trusting relationship with Him than He is interested in my physical safety. I didn't like this at all. Sometimes I still don't. But if I can step out of my fearful circumstances for a moment and get an eternal perspective on things, I realize that my life on this earth here is very short and eternity is very long. I have to admit, investing in the long term is wiser than being driven by every whim and panic of the immediate.

It took me a long time to come to this eternal perspective. (And like I said, it sometimes gets lost behind an onslaught of fear.)  I fought it for years as kind of a subconscious undercurrent of resistance. When God would point it out to me through some insight, reminder, or circumstance, I would stomp my feet and look the other way. It was as if I was holding out for another option. God had given me a choice between two ways to live my life. Option A is His way where He decides what is "safe enough" in my life and I trust Him with all that concerns me. Option B is where I refuse to trust His way and therefore suffer continued fear, disharmony with Him, and a lack of any peace. I didn't want either A or B. I wanted Option C, the one where God keeps me safe from all harm, all injury, all fear AND I have an intimate relationship with Him and all the peace He offers. I refused to make my choice between A and B because I was subconsciously holding out for an Option C. Only problem was, there is no Option C. God only offers A and B.

I spent quite awhile refusing to choose. Years. It was as if I was a student taking a test and my pencil was hovering over the multiple choice question, not liking either choice. My pencil remained poised, suspended, waiting, unwilling. I kept putting off the decision, holding out for some magical appearance of another option more suited to me. Where was my Option C?! I want C!  I was unwilling to accept that my preference simply wasn't an option offered by God.

One day I realized that by not choosing A, I in fact was choosing B. Over and over again. Every day. By not choosing to submit to God being God and trusting Him with my fear and my life, I was passively choosing Option B, to do things on my own and forfeit the shelter of His peace.

What it all boiled down to was that I believed in my heart that what God says is "safe enough" for me was not safe enough for me. There are all kinds of references in the Bible that reveal God does not protect us from all harm. Just remembering the Christian martyrs of the Bible and down through history tells us that. He Himself tells us that in this world we will have tribulation. I hated that. I fought that. I fought tooth and nail from accepting this truth. I questioned God's goodness and His love. I questioned everything. I was desperately afraid to trust a God who practically guarantees that life will hurt. Even life with Him. I just didn't want it to be so. I didn't want "safe enough." I wanted SAFE. All Caps. Bold. Period. Thorough and complete safety.

I resisted accepting what I already knew: that no such safety exists this side of heaven. Oh, how I wanted Option C! This fight went on for years in me. It wasn't an every day thing, but circumstances and events continued to bring it to my attention. God was gracious to sustain me with times of spiritual growth during those years, too. Even though I was resisting trusting Him, He was sweet enough to concentrate on convincing me of His love for me. What an amazing God. Here I am, a scared rabbit hiding in the corner with all my anger and fear keeping Him at bay from me, and He humbly and patiently woos me. How tender and gracious is that! I'm basically thumbing my nose at Him and He stoops down, condescends, to help me believe His love and goodness!  Perfect love casts out fear. He knew I would not trust Him unless I truly believed He loves me and has my very best at heart.

A Thief Too Strong For Me

Psalm 35:10 says:

"All my bones will say, 'Lord, who is like You, who delivers the afflicted from him who is too strong for him, and the afflicted and the needy from him who robs him?'"

It's easy for me to see fear as the enemy in this verse. My fear is often too strong for me and it certainly robs me. In reading verses like this one, I am filled with hope and encouragement, reminded that God is in the business of being strong for me - and in me - in the areas of my weaknesses. When He says, "Do not be afraid," because of the strength He gives us through His Holy Spirit in us, we can refuse to be owned by our fear. When He says "Fear not," that says we can trust Him in all things.

The Divine Embrace

My life has been in a fairly disorganized mess for the last year and a half. I had been taking care of my mom for three years 200 miles away from my husband and my own home. When Mom passed away a year ago March I found myself scrambling to move back home before my husband and I headed out on a road trip vacation. While I lived away from home, I accumulated a whole lot of stuff. We started two businesses while I was living with Mom and everything for each of them was housed with me. Our home in the woods is not large and doesn't have a lot of storage space. I didn't do so well over the winter juggling the grieving process and organizing all that stuff back into our home. This summer it was definitely on the docket. Then my dad passed away. I have found myself having another season of grief and lack of motivation. There is much to do around our house and consequently there are treasures stored away in boxes still.

Which brings me to this post. I just found a wonderful book which I had forgotten about: The Divine Embrace, by Ken Gire. Besides the fact that I love anything by Ken Gire, the subtitle drew me in. "An invitation to the dance of intimacy with Christ. One exhilarating, ennobling, uncertain step at a time."

As I leafed through it, reading my underlines, I remembered how much I liked the book. I remembered how encouraging it was to me and how it touched a true place in my heart that deeply wants to shove fear aside and be close to Jesus no matter what the cost. His analogy of a dance is fitting as well for me. Ever since the days of high school and college dances were past, I have been timid about dancing. I took a Sunday School class at church which used the book The Artist's Way, whose purpose is to help artists (and anyone really) find or re-find their creativity. In several of the exercises readers are asked to list things they'd like to do if they were unafraid, or things that symbolize freedom and such things. Dancing seemed to show up a number of times on my lists.

Why is it that fear keeps me from the things I truly and deeply want? I think it's because those things do not come with a guarantee that they won't also perhaps involve some kind of suffering, pain, or discomfort. I hate that life is like that. There just is no guarantee. There is no fully safe place this side of heaven. I resisted swallowing that truth for a long time. I hid myself from it, trying to muddle through with my fears and pains and problems. It was as if God couldn't even help me because I put my head in the sand and refused to meet Him in reality. I seem to recall Jesus telling a woman at a well that those who worship God must worship Him in spirit and in truth.

I kept living with my head in the sand, though, not really addressing the issues. God would bring them up with regular faithfulness and I would argue with Him and complain to Him that I wanted MORE safety and MORE security than He offers while we're living this earthly life. Over the years, God, in His kindness and determination for me to have something more than fear in this life, kept challenging me to trust Him. Somewhere in those years, I saw this book by Ken Gire. I didn't read it for awhile after buying it but when I did, boy did it hit the spot.

Here are some lines from the first chapter that speak what I in no way can say better than the author:

"...the Christian life is about intimacy, not technique. The Lord of the dance doesn't want us worrying about our feet. He doesn't want us wondering about the steps ahead. He merely wants us to feel the music, fall into His arms, and follow His lead.


There are places He wants to take us on the dance floor, things He wants to show us, feelings He wants to share with us, words He wants to whisper in our ear. This is what the divine embrace is -- an invitation to a more intimate relationship with Christ, one exhilarating, ennobling, uncertain step at a time.


We can dance
Or we can sit it out.


If we dance, we may step on His toes. And He may step on ours. We may stumble and bump into other people. We may fall on our faces and make fools of ourselves. People may talk, they may avoid us, they may even ridicule us.


If you fear those things, you may want to sit it out. If you do, you won't have to worry. You'll be safe in your seat along the wall. You'll also miss the dance. More importantly, you'll miss the romance.


At some time or another, I have chosen to sit it out. Fear is a big reason. Fear of the attention it would bring -- perhaps the criticism. Fear of embarrassment and possible estrangement. Fear of not being in control of my life, my career, my future. Fear of being led to places that would be uncomfortable, even painful.


There are two things I have learned from the divine embrace.
- That perfect love really does cast out fear.
- And that I would rather dance poorly with Jesus than sit perfectly with anyone else."


I want to dance.
I want to accept His invitation to dance with Him.
And I want to let Him lead.

Psalm 31

As I read Psalm 31 yesterday, I found so many beautiful and fitting verses. I underlined in both columns of my NASB/The Message Parallel Bible.


"Be to me a rock of strength, a stronghold to save me." ~ Psalm 31:2


"For You are my strength. Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have ransomed me, o Lord, God of truth." ~ Psalm 31:4b-5


Be my safe leader, be my true mountain guide. Free me from hidden traps; I want to hide in You." ~ Psalm 31:3 MSG


"You saw my pain, You disarmed my tormentors" ~ Psalm 31:7 MSG

I love the Psalms. They are so personal and so emotional. I go to them when I am troubled, when I am afraid, or when I don't really know what I'm feeling. I have so many underlines in them that often I can leaf through the pages and be "grabbed" by a number of beautiful verses that speak to and of my heart. The psalmists often write about enemies, tormentors, those that lie in wait and are out to harm, etc. Though David, being the author of many psalms, was literally being chased and hunted for destruction by Saul and his armies, I easily relate the enemies he wrote of to mean my own personal enemies and our real enemy, Satan. My personal enemies are such things as fear, my particular propensities to sins, my weaknesses, and such. In this way, the Psalms speak even more powerfully to me in my areas of personal challenges.

When I read, "You saw my pain; You disarmed my tormentors", I remember that Jesus has already disarmed my tormentor of fear. His death on the cross took away the power of that enemy. I don't have to be afraid. He has made the solution for my fear. It is His love. I can be safe from the torments of fear; He has disarmed its power. Now... to embrace this truth and make it a part of every cell of my body! That is my quest! To remember that HE has the power and not fear. I am no longer a servant of fear, having to obey its every knock, its every whim, its every command. I have a choice.

I have a choice. A choice to trust. Or a choice to roll over to fear again.

"...Terror on every side....But as for me,
I trust in You, O Lord,
I say, "You are my God."
My times are in Your hand."   ~ Psalm 31: 13-15a

"Hour by hour I place my days in Your hand,
safe from the hands out to get me." ~ Psalm 31:15 MSG

I Run To You

I've been having some fear lately. One of the things that's been getting to me is the fact that it's monsoon season....and I really hate thunderstorms! I don't hate all thunderstorms. I rather like the kind with thunder that rumbles and rolls in the distance. It's the ones with big flashes of lightening followed REALLY closely by enormous crashes of thunder that I hate. Living in the woods here, thunderstorms can get pretty wild. Lately we've had some ominous dark skies and some torrential rains. The lightening, in hindsight, has not been as bad as some I've lived through. Even so, when I see those thick dark clouds surrounding me, I get afraid. I have endured all these recent storms alone as the timing is such that my husband has been away during each of them.

Along with lightening and thunder, other things have fostered the creeping in of fear lately, too.  I wrote in my journal this morning: "I need to focus on God's love. I have been afraid lately."

I woke up with a phrase from one of Amy Grant's new songs playing in my head, "If you are brave, then come into my world." The song is very powerful, knowing her "world" when she wrote it was full of pain and turmoil. She felt alone and overwhelmed and "no one came to call" anymore.

Whenever I awake with a song in my head, while I realize it's because I've been hearing the music, I also take note of it and try to see what I can glean from it for myself. I think the Holy Spirit often puts songs, or specific phrases of songs, into my heart and head as gifts to me, as things to get my attention and think about. So today, I pondered these lyrics,  I couldn't help but think of them as if God were the speaker rather than a person.  "If you are brave, then come into My world."

What would my life be like if I stepped fully into God's world, God's possession, God's authority? This is another place where fear has often been the victor in my life. I've hesitated to "give God my all", hesitated to surrender all of me. Today I wrote, "I still fear what He'll 'do' to me or allow. Oh, let's face it -- I'm afraid of giving up the control of my own life. And yet this 'control' leads to most, if not all, of the unhappiness in my life. Being in control is way too big a task for someone who actually has very little control, very little power. Why don't I freely submit --RUN to submit -- to the One who not only has the power, but has the authority AND is Himself LOVE. Lord, help me to run to You." Then I wrote the words to a song we sing at church:

I run to You, I run.
I run to You, my constant love
I run to You, where else could I run to?
I run to You.

I've been reading the Bible out of my new parallel Bible that has the New American Standard and The Message side by side. I'm reading a Psalm and one chapter from the New Testament each day. In turning to today's Psalm in The Message I was hit with,

"I run to You, God. I run for dear life." ~ Psalm 31:1

Guess that's my message for the day. Run to God.

BibleGateway.com

Since I listed some scriptures yesterday without typing them out, I thought I'd tell you about BibleGateway.com.  If you haven't come across it yet, it's an online "exhaustive concordance" of the Bible.  A concordance is a listing of key words and the scripture references to where they're found in the Bible.  An exhaustive concordance is just what it sounds like.  It's a collection of ALL the keywords in the Bible and their references.  They've exhausted the task, it's complete and finished! (It must have been exhausting!)

An exhaustive concordance is a great tool when studying the Bible. They make hard copies, like the Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible for the King James Version, or The New American Standard Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible (a cherished reference book of mine that I believe might be out of print but can be found used), and the newest contribution to the world of hard bound concordances, The Strongest NASB Exhaustive Concordance .

These hard bound volumes are awesome but they're large and bulky so Bible Gateway can be a huge benefit.  If a Bible isn't handy but the internet is, you can go to BibleGateway.com and look up a specific passage, search for a scripture whose reference escapes you by using keywords, read entire chapters of the Bible, and even listen to the Bible.

Check it out!

A Word About The Narrow Way

One of the verses I included in yesterday's post is a source of much controversy.

Jesus said,
"I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me." ~ John 14:6

It is sometimes hard for us to believe God would be so restrictive and stringent about how one gets accepted into heaven.  After all, there are a lot of good people in this world.  You're telling me that if they believe in God and are good people, but don't happen to receive Jesus' death on the cross for themselves, they're not going to make it to heaven?

That is what the Bible says.  This is a heated discussion these days.  No one wants to be told there is only ONE way.  No one wants to believe in ONE truth. This day and age wants there to be more than one "truth" and wants all roads to lead to God. In reality, this belief is a means for people to continue being their own god and in charge of their destinies. We each make the rules, we each say what is acceptable to God, we each determine what is "good enough" for Him, and we each say by what means we will be received by Him. By this we each put ourselves above God. Basically, this is what sin is all about.

If you're having a hard time accepting that there is only one way to God as written in the Bible, here are a few things to think about:

If God is God then it is He that makes the rules, not us. 
I know that can sound harsh, but it is also at the crux of the issue.  Even as a Christian I've spent a lot of time resisting God's ways (mainly because of fear which I'll write about at another time as it relates to how the fear of trusting Him breeds this kind of resistance.)  Every one of those times have been me refusing to acknowledge God as God, His rights to BE God, and my proper relationship to Him as His child.  He has the authority.  I do not.  Accepting this is critical to being in right relationship with Him.  Think of a child and parent: if the child is rebellious, wanting to make up their own rules about how they live their life in relationship with the parent, it's not a good or right relationship.  They don't understand where the authority lies and are refusing to submit to it.  A right and good relationship isn't possible. 

The truth is true whether I believe it or not.  
My belief in something does not make it true.  Likewise, my disbelief in something does not make it false.  It is either true or false independent of my belief in it.


The truth, by its very nature, is exclusive.
For example, 2 + 2 = 4.  There are countless millions of numbers that 2 + 2 does not equal.  I can believe with all my heart, with utmost sincerity and with good intentions that 2 + 2 = 5, but come test day I'm going to get it marked wrong.


Well, if there's only one way to God, then shouldn't He spell it out for us? 

He does. 

"Of Him all the prophets bear witness that through His name everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins." ~ Acts 10:43


"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it."  ~ Matthew 7:13-14

"and through Him everyone who believes is freed from all things, from which you could not be freed through the Law of Moses.  ~Acts 13:39


"I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me." ~ John 14:6


"And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved." ~ Acts 4:12


I hope it's not hard for you to swallow that there is only one way to God. Jesus said in John 8:32 "and you will know the truth and the truth will make you free."  Think about the peace that comes along with knowing the truth.  No more wondering. No more guessing. No more taking your best stab and hoping you're right.  When it comes to something this important, aren't you glad God spelled it out and didn't leave us to guess what is acceptable to Him, especially considering the consequences of getting it wrong. Submitting to God's truth as truth brings freedom from lies and their consequences.  And brings a whole bushel of blessings.

These things are found through the narrow gate, the exclusive truth about Jesus:

Forgiveness of sins. (Acts 10:43)
Abundant life  (John 10:10)
The truth (John 8:32)
Freedom (John 8:32)
Heaven (1 John 3:16)
God's love poured out on you (1 John 3:1)

What It Means To Be A Christian

I want to take a few moments to explain what I mean by "Christian."

The term Christian means, "Christ one," as in, a follower of Jesus Christ. 

This is more than a general belief in the Christian God.  I grew up going to church, hearing about God and that Jesus died for our sins, but I didn't get it.  I didn't see what it meant.  Somewhere along the line I had even come to think God was just for little kids.  How I came to believe this I'll never know, especially when every Sunday I went to a church filled with adults, some of them teaching me in Sunday School. 

It was when I was in seventh grade that a conversation with a friend led to her asking me, "Don't you know you have to ask Jesus into your heart?" No, I didn't know that.  I remember feeling guilty and somehow "caught" because I had left God behind in my younger years believing Him to be irrelevant for me. Then when I was 14 I heard about God in a different way.  I went to a Bible Study conducted by a Christian ministry called Young Life.  I was in a room with girls my own age and I noticed something very different about them.  One evening, we were asked to break up into groups of two.  I confessed to my partner that I felt very different from the rest, that they all talked about God as if they knew Him personally, and I didn't get it.  That night, I saw God is real and that He wanted to have personal relationships with people. Drawing on my seventh grade experience, I went home and asked Jesus into my heart.

I became a Christian that night.  My understanding of what that meant grew as I continued going to Bible studies and grew in my faith. 

Being a Christian means you have placed your trust in Jesus for your getting to heaven.  Until we trust Jesus as the means to heaven, we are trusting something else.  Usually we're trusting that we're a good enough person, and only the super bad people go to hell.  If we have a moral compass and are a decent person, we trust God will accept us based on that. 

That's not the way it works, though. 

We can't be good enough. 

God's holiness demands a standard of perfection. 

If I hadn't blown it long before, I'm positive I blew it when I stole my best friend's pencil in second grade. (Sorry, Pam. Thanks for forgiving me and laughing with me over this about 30 years later!)  We cannot be perfect so we are not fit for heaven.  God is a God of love, yes, but He is also a holy, pure, and righteous God.  His purity cannot abide the dirtiness of sin.  In fact, the Bible says that our righteousness (the best we can come up with on our own)  is like filthy rags to Him; His purity is that far above us.

Yet, He loves us.  He wants a relationship with us.  Think about that for a second; it's quite amazing.  He WANTS a relationship with you.  He doesn't want any of us to be separated from Him, either on earth or in hell.  He wants us with Him because He loves us.

So, there's a dilemma:  He wants relationship with us; He loves us; He wants us to be with Him now and in heaven, BUT, we have sin, we are unclean and cannot share His presence, and are therefore destined to be separated from Him not only on this earth but also in eternity after we die.

Enter, the solution.  God came up with the solution Himself.  He, being Three in One in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, chose to come to earth Himself in the form of Jesus the Son and take the penalty of our sin upon Himself. 

"The wages of sin is death." it says in Romans 6:23.  We sinned.  He never sinned.  He lived a perfectly sinless life here on earth and He came for the expressed purpose of dying in each of our places. 

That's the part I never got.  All my growing up years I'd heard "Jesus died for us" and "Jesus died for our sins", but I never got it.  I never caught on that:

1.) He died for me, not just the collective "us," and

2.) He died in my place.  "For us" means "in our place" as well as "for our benefit".  He made the sacrifice of Himself so that our sin was posted to His account and His sinless righteousness can be posted to our account.  All that is required of us is to believe this.  His death has made forgiveness available to us.  Our belief in His solution makes it effective for us.

When we stop trusting ourselves to be acceptable to God and begin to trust in Jesus' death as the means to make us acceptable to God, we've become Christians.  God sees us through Christ's sacrifice and considers us clean.  That's what is meant by the expressions which talk about "Jesus' blood washing us clean", or Christians being "covered by His blood". 
 
You don't have to have a stand-out experience like I did to become a Christian.  Some people's story of coming to belief is gradual and they cannot pin-point a specific time when they came to belief.  Others can identify the date and time.  The term "asking Jesus into your heart" has become a common means of declaring this belief.  Another means of declaring your faith in His death for you is by praying a prayer like this one:

God, I know I am a sinner. My sin separates me from You.  I cannot meet your standard on my own.  I cannot be good enough for heaven, I cannot earn my way there.  I believe what Jesus did on the cross for me.  I place my trust in His death for me - in my place - as the means by which I am forgiven and can now enter into a right relationship with You.  Thank You, Jesus, for dying for me.

The word "gospel" means "good news." The solution has been given and it doesn't depend on our hopeless attempts at being good enough! That is good news, indeed.

- - - - - - - - - -

Here is the Good News laid out in 12 scriptures:


"All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  ~ Romans 3:23


"But we are all like an unclean thing and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away."  ~ Isaiah 64:6 (NKJV)


"There is none righteous, not even one."  ~Romans 3:10

"For the wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  ~ Romans 6:23

"...by the works of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight; for through the law comes the knowledge of sin."  ~ Romans 3:20

"For if a law had been given which was able to impart life, then righteousness would indeed have been based on law."  ~ Galatians 3:21

"But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  ~ Romans 5:8

"For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."  ~ John 3:16

"I came that they might have life, and have it abundantly."   ~ John 10:10

"For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast."  ~Ephesians 2:8-9

"...if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly"  ~ Galatians 2:21

"I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."  ~ John 14:6

Books That Have Been Helpful

One of the things I want to do on this blog is include resources that have helped me.  Whether it's a comforting song, a quote, scriptures (especially scriptures), or a book...if it's helped and blessed me, I want to share it with you.

I've found a number of books that have been helpful to me over the years on my journey from fear toward faith.  I'll be writing a post about each one as time goes on.  For now, here's a little bit about them with links so you can take a look at them for yourself.  Maybe they'll be a blessing to you, too.



IF YOU WANT TO WALK ON WATER YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THE BOAT
by John Ortberg

This book surprised me in that I didn't realize when I picked it up that it would be addressing the issue of fear as much it did.  With a title like that, I should have known, but somehow I didn't see it coming in the way God used it in my life.  One of the biggest things I took away from this book is a single illustration of a little girl standing on the edge of a pool being asked to jump into her daddy's arms in the water.






RUTHLESS TRUST
by Brennan Manning

I loved this book.  Brennan Manning, a humble and admitted "ragamuffin" who himself has dealt with fear issues, challenges us toward a "stubborn trust," an "obstinate trust" and even a "ruthless trust" in God.  He uses many more adjectives to describe the kind of trust I think we all, inside, actually long to place fully in God. There were so many awesome things in this book I filled the inside cover with notes and quotes.








TRUE FACED
by Thrall, McNicol, and Lynch

This is a book about learning to live in God's grace.  It shows us that walking a path of performance in the hopes of pleasing God only causes us to miss an intimate relationship with Him entirely.  It's about taking off our masks and living real before God and others.  It's about trusting God and others with our real selves.  Awesome stuff.






BO'S CAFE
by Lynch, Thrall, and McNicol

This is a partner book with True Faced above.  It is True Faced with skin on.  Bo's Cafe is an easy-read novel that puts you right in the middle of the True Faced truths being lived out.  It shows us what such a life of grace and trust looks like.  Very encouraging.







HINDS' FEET ON HIGH PLACES
by Hannah Hurnard

Simply a MUST READ for all who battle with fear.  This little analogy has been a classic for decades.  I have read it at least three times and I am always blessed, challenged, and given courage and hope through it.  In fact, I recently bought a new edition that includes devotional entries written by another author.  I look forward to reading it again soon and using the devotional entries along side.  (If you'd rather have the devotional edition, it can also be found with a little extra searching from the link at left.)




A SHEPHERD LOOKS AT PSALM 23
by Phillip Keller

I had heard a number of sermons in my life that offered a few insights into the relationship between sheep and shepherd.  These details and tidbits of information really blessed and expanded my understanding of Psalm 23.  But...to have an entire book filled with such details written by a real sheep rancher!  Well, there was so much more in there that encouraged me to trust our tender, care giving God.






LIVE A PRAYING LIFE
by Jennifer Kennedy Dean

This is a Bible study workbook that doesn't necessarily deal with fear but at the time I went through it, it so blessed me and helped me to trust God that I just had to include it.  I had been struggling terribly with trusting God.  His very sovereignty scared me to pieces.  My prayer life was stifled because I didn't know how to pray to a sovereign God who I thought was just going to do what He wanted anyway.  That is still a mystery but this study was a huge blessing in my journey.

If She Had Heeded Her Fear....

I took an Art Expressions Bible study class a couple years ago. It was the neatest Bible study I've ever participated in. We did lots of different projects with different media and different meditation exercises. The consistent stream of focus running through every project was quieting our hearts, meditating on scripture, and hearing what God had to say to us individually.

The class was for non-artists as well as artists. The teachers were wonderfully creative artists who encouraged every timid woman interrested to give it a try. The results were beautiful. Hidden creativity came out in some and boundaries of fear, intimidation, and inadequacy were broken through. The women had fun.  And they were sweetly ministered to by God.

One of our projects was to read through the story of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years.  (Mark 5:24-34) How she sought Jesus in the crowds as He was on his way to heal a little girl, Jairus' daughter, who was coincidentally 12 years old. We were asked to read the passage over and over, focusing on what it must have been like to be that woman. What was she feeling when she reached out to touch Jesus' garment? What did she experience when she realized she had been healed? And what was going on inside her when Jesus called her out, saying "Who touched Me? Someone touched Me for I felt power go out of Me"?

The art part of our project was interesting. We were to draw faces with our non-dominant hand on torn out pages of text. We were to draw as many as we could in two minutes, each on a different page. In the end, we chose which one we liked the most and glued it onto an 8x10 canvas.

Next we painted the background, the face, and the woman's head clothing. It was really fun and very interesting to try to put on the canvas what we had "seen" in this woman through our meditation exercises.

This poor woman must have felt so beaten down and tired from her illness. All the blood loss alone would certainly make her tired, let alone the enormous ramifications of her condition. Because of her "issue of blood" she was "unclean" among her people. The stigma must have been terrible. How desperately she must have longed to be normal and accepted once again.

She shouldn't have been in the crowd, not with her uncleanness. But she was desperate. She must have been so tired of announcing "Unclean!" whenever she came into a crowd. Her faith was large in that she believed that all she needed to do was touch Jesus' garment and she could be healed. She may have thought, "if I can just touch Him then I'll be healed and I wont' have to worry about being in the crowd." She wanted to keep herself hidden and secret.

She was healed. Oh, what she must have felt at that moment! She shrank back into the crowd, enjoying this private miracle that had just taken place in her body and in her soul. But wait...He knows something happened. He's calling for the one who touched Him. Everyone was touching Him in that crowd yet He was calling for the one who touched Him.

The scripture says that she came forward with fear and trembling and told Him the truth.  What impacted me the most was that though she was afraid, she came. I wrote on the back of the canvas the things God pointed out to me as I listened to Him on the passage.

If you can't read it very well, this is what I wrote:

. She had huge faith.

. Yet she trembled with fear when He called her out.

. But she came.  She drew close to Him.

. If she had shied away, fading back into the crowd --heeding her fear--she would not have heard Him call her "Daughter".  She would not have heard His love for her.  She would not have seen His compassion and felt His love.

I tried to feel her emotions right along with her. I wrote a brief description on the back of the canvas. It reads:

"Relief. Peace. It's finally over. Uh oh...He's calling me out. I'm caught. But...ohhh...He's so gentle and so kind. He loves me? He calls me Daughter? *Sigh.*  Peace. Rest"

I put tears in her eyes.  The glistening eyes of relief at last.  The watering eyes of a heart that finally knows rest. The welling tears of an outcast being called "Daughter".
 

The thing that has stuck with me about this exercise, the thing I believe God wanted me most to learn is that

If she had heeded her fear,

she would not have heard Him call her Daughter.

Often, fear keeps us from even drawing near to our Healer. Fear can make us hide.  We can hide behind our own self-protection, worried that perhaps we'll be met with a stern God who is tired of our fear. Or we want the fear to go away before we venture to move our true heart closer to Him. Just make the fear go away and then I'll let down my guard, OK, God?  We want guarantees first.  But this woman came afraid.  She moved toward what she knew was right, despite her fear.  She was afraid, but she didn't choose her fear.  She chose Him.  And because of that, she got to hear Him call her Daughter. 

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  ~ James 4:8

Fear Strikes Again

I did it again today.  I let fear dictate my thoughts and actions and I wound up selfish, self-protective, and self-consumed.  Why do I continue to think that if everything in my outer world is just like I want it that this will somehow make everything alright inside me?  Why do I try to control the outer elements of my world as if all this just-so-ness will make my world safer and manageable?

Fear makes me want control.  In obvious scenarios, but also - very sneakily - in senseless little scenarios.  Control means self-centeredness.  And trust me, it's not pleasant to be around.

Just keepin' it real with you, folks.

His Lovingkindness

Do you guys have "life verses"?  I didn't hear about them until I was well into my adult years.  In case you're unfamiliar with the term, a "life verse" is one that God reveals to you as so strongly pertinent and meaningful to you that it kind of becomes your "theme verse", so to speak.  It's a verse that you will carry with you your whole life.  Some verses may end up being more "life phase verses" and that's OK, too.  It's all a gift.

Somewhere along the line, I came across a verse that hit me right between the eyes with such a huge amount of comfort that it has become one of my life verses.  It is Psalm 59:10b in the New American Standard (NASB)

"My God in His lovingkindness will meet me."

In that little verse - half a verse, really - I hear the echoes of some other verses in the Bible.  Verses that speak of God's intimate knowledge of us, His tender compassion on our weaknesses, His love for us, and His humility in loving us and wanting us close to Him.

. "For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust."  ~ Psalm 103:14

. "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus."  ~ Romans 8:1

. "But the very hairs of your head are numbered."  ~ Matthew 10:30

. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."   ~ John 3:16

. "Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross"   ~ Philippians 2:8

. "You have taken account of my wanderings, put my tears in a bottle; are they not in Your book?"  ~ Psalm 58:8

. "How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!"  ~ Psalm 139:17

. All of Psalm 139 really.

There's lots more, I'm sure, but these are just a few.

My God in His lovingkindness will meet me.

What this verse says to me is that God will meet me right where I am.  As regards to my Christian maturity, He isn't standing on the other side of a chasm, chastising me for being on the wrong side, curtly telling me "You're SUPPOSED to be over HERE! Get over HERE!"  No, the God of the universe will actually meet me where I am.  He longs to take me by the hand and lead me to where I'm supposed to be.  It says to me that I can meet Him, face to face so to speak, in prayer without first having to get myself right, without moving even.  And truly, that's all I can bring to Him...my honest position, my true reality,  my real heart.  It's all I can give Him to work with.  And frankly, that's all He can work with.  What He can't work with is my denial, my avoidance, and facades.  This verse offers great comfort to me that God wants to meet me right where I am, even if that place is so wrong, so confused, or so messed up. 

Your God in His lovingkindness will meet you.

Isn't it beautiful how some verses are written in the first person, so that we have the joy of reading it exactly as it is and applying it so personally to ourselves.  No translation required, no changing "you" to "me"...it's just right there...as-is.  I think God planned some verses that way.  That's why I love the Psalms.  They are first person and they are so real.

Say the verse to yourself, just as it's written in the first person.  And know that it's true.

My God in His lovingkindness will meet me.