"Since you are precious in My sight, Since you are honored and I love you.....Do not fear, for I am with you." ~ Isaiah 43:4-5
Remember 1 John 4:18? "...perfect love casts out fear..."
With perfection of love comes perfection of protection. It took me a long while to stop struggling against this truth. I recently read a quote by C.S. Lewis that sums up my struggle:
"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." ~ C.S. Lewis.
I struggled immensely against God's definitions of "good", "best", and "safe" as pertains specifically to me. I didn't want to submit to His definitions; I wanted Him to submit to mine. I had what I was sure was a better plan for my protection and I would not give it up. I was too afraid to trust in His because His didn't look safe enough for me. Then one day I found myself in a great deal of physical pain, and indeed, a long season of many kinds of pain (which I have yet to write about here) and through a "jump start", the "help of His presence" (Psalm 42:5) was proven true for me. I found comfort in His love and presence. I let the physical pain all go from within my grasp and placed the full weight of it and my fear of it onto Him. I got a taste of what He means by "Trust Me."
When I TRUST in His love,I realize that I am safe. We are safe. Not just a measure of safe, or "safe-enough-by-His-definition-but-not-by-mine-thank-you-very-much". We are safe. We still have to go through the hard stuff. (There's the rub!) What we face will probably still be hard. It might hurt. But we are safe under His love.
We really have only two choices.
1. We can run up close to Him under the shelter of His wings.
-or-
2. We can stay out in the open doing battle with our challenges and fears all alone, vulnerable to their taunts and succumbing to their powers.
TRUST HIS LOVE. When I give up the fight of insisting He give me a "better deal", a more inclusive guarantee, and strip it down to the simplicity of those two choices, then it's an easy choice really. Do I want to face this scary thing WITHOUT HIM or WITH HIM? If I choose to go through it without Him then I can expect no peace, no easing of my fears, no comfort. I can expect continued fear through every step of the process. If I choose to go through it with Him, I still have to go through it, BUT, if I hand over my stubborn will and my fear to Him, I will receive peace, comfort for my fear, plus the confidence that I am safe.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Trusting the Rope - Psalm 138:8
"The LORD will accomplish what concerns me." ~ Psalm 138:8
This is what gives us courage, believing and TRUSTING that God will accomplish what concerns us. He promises to take care of our needs and to be there with us during everything that's hard. Learning to let go of my fear and "trust the rope" that is our all-loving, all-powerful God, can be a baby-steps kind of venture. I once had a psychologist say to me, "Try making a decision based on something other than fear." Wow. I was so wrapped up in fear I didn't even realize what an embarrassing testimony that was of my life. But after all these years (about 30) I have not forgotten his words. They are a good challenge whenever I am tempted to base a decision purely - or even mostly - on fear. I have to include God into my decision-making, asking Him to help me make the right decision based on the whole gamut of factors. I have to pray that He not let fear dominate, or shove aside, other important factors involved. If I remain afraid after looking at all aspects of a decision and determining the right thing to do is the very thing I'm so afraid of doing, then I need to TRUST God with it all.
I always seem to capitalize that word TRUST. In my journal, it is always capitalized. The reason, I know, is because it is so profoundly foundational that I cannot help emphasizing it as I write it. I want it to stand out, not only as I leaf through the pages of my journal at some later date, but I also want it to stand out AS I'm writing it. TRUST. It is so important. It is THE crux of our relationship with God. As I capitalize the letters in this word, I am trying to drill them deeper and deeper into my very soul in reminder.
This is what gives us courage, believing and TRUSTING that God will accomplish what concerns us. He promises to take care of our needs and to be there with us during everything that's hard. Learning to let go of my fear and "trust the rope" that is our all-loving, all-powerful God, can be a baby-steps kind of venture. I once had a psychologist say to me, "Try making a decision based on something other than fear." Wow. I was so wrapped up in fear I didn't even realize what an embarrassing testimony that was of my life. But after all these years (about 30) I have not forgotten his words. They are a good challenge whenever I am tempted to base a decision purely - or even mostly - on fear. I have to include God into my decision-making, asking Him to help me make the right decision based on the whole gamut of factors. I have to pray that He not let fear dominate, or shove aside, other important factors involved. If I remain afraid after looking at all aspects of a decision and determining the right thing to do is the very thing I'm so afraid of doing, then I need to TRUST God with it all.
I always seem to capitalize that word TRUST. In my journal, it is always capitalized. The reason, I know, is because it is so profoundly foundational that I cannot help emphasizing it as I write it. I want it to stand out, not only as I leaf through the pages of my journal at some later date, but I also want it to stand out AS I'm writing it. TRUST. It is so important. It is THE crux of our relationship with God. As I capitalize the letters in this word, I am trying to drill them deeper and deeper into my very soul in reminder.
Monday, August 23, 2010
The Lord Goes With You - Deut. 31:6
"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." ~ Deuteronomy 31:6
God is always with us, right there with us. When we're in the trenches with fear, we may feel that the only thing with us is whatever threat there is and our fear of it. But God is there, too. He is not standing there saying to us, "You should..., you ought..., why don't you...?, what's the matter with you?" He is tenderly with us, loving us, waiting for us to turn around and be enfolded in His arms where He can comfort us and strengthen us to walk WITH HIM through whatever frightening thing we are facing.
God is always with us, right there with us. When we're in the trenches with fear, we may feel that the only thing with us is whatever threat there is and our fear of it. But God is there, too. He is not standing there saying to us, "You should..., you ought..., why don't you...?, what's the matter with you?" He is tenderly with us, loving us, waiting for us to turn around and be enfolded in His arms where He can comfort us and strengthen us to walk WITH HIM through whatever frightening thing we are facing.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Jump Starts
I don't know about you but sometimes I am blessed with what I call "jump starts." The Holy Spirit resides within every Believer empowering us to live the life God has called us to and provided for us. Unfortunately, our old spirit, "the flesh" resides right along side, making our every action a choice as to who we're going to listen to. There are times when I am certain I have been helped to choose the choice of the Spirit. Sometimes doing the right thing is so far from my current maturity that it seems impossible to grab hold of the promised power of the Holy spirit within me and thereby enable myself to do the Spirit thing. Sometimes I can see the right move - trusting God, for example - but the powers of fear, stubbornness, selfishness, or rebellion are cresting so high at that moment or period of my life that how to actually make that choice is just plain off my radar.
A handful of times in my life, I feel like I've been given a "jump start" by the Holy Spirit. Let me expound. In the midst of my years of God's longstanding call for me to trust Him, I was clutching onto my fear so much that I just could not figure out how to let go and how to trust God. What is it supposed to feel like? How do I know I've let go and how do I know I've trusted Him? How do I do it? Just saying the words didn't do it. What is the experience like? How do I actually do it? I didn't know what the target was experientially.
Then one day, my jaw started to hurt. It got so bad I had to leave work. Then the other side started in. I was in deep, deep pain. I missed several days of work. I parked myself on the couch and was in misery. I took my pain to God. By now I had come a little closer to accepting the fact that God sometimes allows "bad" things in our lives. I struggled with His sovereignty in such matters, wondering how to pray. Do I pray for Him to take away what He has obviously allowed? I didn't know how to pray. I wanted the pain to go away but when I began to pray I heard my inner voice saying, "Let it have it's perfect work in me, Lord."
What? Where did that come from? That definitely didn't well up from within my own self. But because I said it, and mysteriously meant it, now I had something to go on in the trusting God arena. I felt it. I felt the letting go of my control and my fearful resistance in the matter. I felt a giving of myself over to God in the situation, whether or not He changed it. So this is what it is to trust Him! I now had an inner target for future acts of trust.
The Bible says that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and He is God's power within us. We all have areas where our spiritual capacity seems blocked by scar tissue or sin. I believe the Holy Spirit can and does sometimes give us a "jump start" to cross over a threshold that requires us to move spiritual muscles in ways we haven't yet learned to move them. In having them moved for us, we learn how to participate in that same movement the next time. I now sometimes find myself praying for God to overcome the spiritual barriers in people by giving them a jump start so they can experience what it is He has for them, so they can taste it, feel it, and savor it. So they can long for it again and run to choose it again later on, thereby learning to live it. When I sense a blind spot in my heart, a place where I know something is wrong but don't have a grasp on what it is, I ask for a jump start. God may choose to give me one or He may choose to open my eyes in another more gradual way. It's up to Him and I trust Him with it.
Whatever your threshold, whatever your barrier, your "off radar" challenge, I pray that God will give you a jump start so you can know and enjoy the spiritual place He is calling you to. However He chooses to enlarge your steps, I pray that you will trust Him in the process.
A handful of times in my life, I feel like I've been given a "jump start" by the Holy Spirit. Let me expound. In the midst of my years of God's longstanding call for me to trust Him, I was clutching onto my fear so much that I just could not figure out how to let go and how to trust God. What is it supposed to feel like? How do I know I've let go and how do I know I've trusted Him? How do I do it? Just saying the words didn't do it. What is the experience like? How do I actually do it? I didn't know what the target was experientially.
Then one day, my jaw started to hurt. It got so bad I had to leave work. Then the other side started in. I was in deep, deep pain. I missed several days of work. I parked myself on the couch and was in misery. I took my pain to God. By now I had come a little closer to accepting the fact that God sometimes allows "bad" things in our lives. I struggled with His sovereignty in such matters, wondering how to pray. Do I pray for Him to take away what He has obviously allowed? I didn't know how to pray. I wanted the pain to go away but when I began to pray I heard my inner voice saying, "Let it have it's perfect work in me, Lord."
What? Where did that come from? That definitely didn't well up from within my own self. But because I said it, and mysteriously meant it, now I had something to go on in the trusting God arena. I felt it. I felt the letting go of my control and my fearful resistance in the matter. I felt a giving of myself over to God in the situation, whether or not He changed it. So this is what it is to trust Him! I now had an inner target for future acts of trust.
The Bible says that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and He is God's power within us. We all have areas where our spiritual capacity seems blocked by scar tissue or sin. I believe the Holy Spirit can and does sometimes give us a "jump start" to cross over a threshold that requires us to move spiritual muscles in ways we haven't yet learned to move them. In having them moved for us, we learn how to participate in that same movement the next time. I now sometimes find myself praying for God to overcome the spiritual barriers in people by giving them a jump start so they can experience what it is He has for them, so they can taste it, feel it, and savor it. So they can long for it again and run to choose it again later on, thereby learning to live it. When I sense a blind spot in my heart, a place where I know something is wrong but don't have a grasp on what it is, I ask for a jump start. God may choose to give me one or He may choose to open my eyes in another more gradual way. It's up to Him and I trust Him with it.
Whatever your threshold, whatever your barrier, your "off radar" challenge, I pray that God will give you a jump start so you can know and enjoy the spiritual place He is calling you to. However He chooses to enlarge your steps, I pray that you will trust Him in the process.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Called To A Large Place
The call was clear. During the period of my resistance to God - the period where my pencil was hovering over the choice of A or B but I was really holding out for the sudden appearance of a non-existent Option C - the call of God in my life was loud and clear. "Trust Me." Over and over again I heard Him say it. Over and over again, I ignored it. Still, as resistant and afraid as I was, there was a deep longing within me to relinquish everything over to Him. I was tired. I knew what the Bible says: that God is good, He dearly loves us, He is trustworthy. These truths about Him just didn't look like I wanted them to. I wanted to trust Him. I wanted to be done with the fight. I couldn't articulate it at the time, but I've come to know now that there is REST in trusting Him. I needed and craved that rest.
"Cease striving and know that I am God." I was expending so much energy in striving, searching for the elusive "safe enough" existence this side of heaven. I seemed to think I would find it somewhere in between a life given over to God's care and a life still much in my own guardianship. Walking a fence can be very tiring. Imagine that literally for a moment. Not a wall. A fence. A skinny wooden fence, or a chain link fence. Your footing is only going to be about 2 inches maximum. Teetering, tottering, grasping the air for balance, feet sore and slipping, muscles tense and ever on guard for the next little crisis of the walk.
Psalm 31:8b says "You have set my feet in a large place." After a precarious journey - on a fence or up the treacherous cliff side of some hardship - a large place sounds mighty good. I wanted that large place where I could find rest for my tired and sore spiritual "feet". It was my soul that longed for the rest. Deep inside I think I knew the rest I craved would be found on the other side of relinquishing the battle and accepting the safety offered by God. I knew I needed to come to the place where His "safe' for me, was safe enough for me. The large place with sure footing that I longed for was only to be found in trusting God with all of me.
A friend of mine once went to a wilderness camp with the girls she was leading in a Bible Study. Doing a week long wilderness hike was definitely not something my friend was interested in but that's what these girls wanted to do. They had been together in this Bible study since they were Freshman and now they were Seniors. My friend lovingly and bravely agreed to join them in their last summer camp experience as a group. One day on their journey, they had to rappel down the side of a cliff. My friend was terrified. There was no way around it, she had to do it. She watched as everyone else descended down. Way too soon it was her turn. She was buckled in and given the instructions she'd heard a number of times already as they were told to the rest of the party. She inched her way off the edge, holding tightly to the ropes with her arms. "Trust the rope!" was shouted from above and below. She couldn't. She was too afraid. She rappelled down the whole way clutching the rope for dear life, believing she had to support herself with her own strength. By the time she got to the bottom her arms were shaking from trying to support her whole body weight and, she thought, keep herself from falling. If only she had trusted the rope. She didn't believe the rope was trustworthy. She didn't believe the rope would hold her. She didn't feel safe with the rope carrying her. She thought she had to do it herself with her own inadequate strength.
Years ago when I was first going through Christian counseling and support group studies I had a sense that I was clinging to something, desperately clutching something. I envisioned a tangible something, like a post or a fence pole and I could see myself almost glued to it, clutching it and holding onto it with every fiber of my being, much like my friend and her repelling rope. I didn't know what it was, but I had the strong sense that I was clinging to it desperately. In the years since, I've come to believe what I want most to cling to is a multi-headed monster. I want to keep clutching for Control - trying to manage my world and keep it safe and comfortable by my definitions, Fear - as a means of trying to control my world, and Self - my way, my wants, my needs, (my, my, my), also as a means of trying to make my world safe and comfortable.
Yet, God's call was clear to me. "Trust Me.' I didn't even know how. I prayed for him to pry my fingers off that pole one at a time if He had to, and teach me how to trust Him. In the next couple of posts I'll tell you a couple of ways He began prying my fingers loose.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Is Safe Enough Safe Enough?
Generally speaking, I've wanted all my fears to go away before I would trust God in a scary situation. Just take my fear away, God, and then I'll move forward, do that thing, obey Your bidding, etc. I came to realize a couple things about this desire of mine, however. One: That's not really trusting God at all. It's more like trusting myself - if I'm not afraid of something then I have a pretty good notion that I can handle it. If I think I can handle it, then I'm not likely to trust God with it.
Two: God is much more interested in my spiritual maturity, my heart, and my having an intimate trusting relationship with Him than He is interested in my physical safety. I didn't like this at all. Sometimes I still don't. But if I can step out of my fearful circumstances for a moment and get an eternal perspective on things, I realize that my life on this earth here is very short and eternity is very long. I have to admit, investing in the long term is wiser than being driven by every whim and panic of the immediate.
It took me a long time to come to this eternal perspective. (And like I said, it sometimes gets lost behind an onslaught of fear.) I fought it for years as kind of a subconscious undercurrent of resistance. When God would point it out to me through some insight, reminder, or circumstance, I would stomp my feet and look the other way. It was as if I was holding out for another option. God had given me a choice between two ways to live my life. Option A is His way where He decides what is "safe enough" in my life and I trust Him with all that concerns me. Option B is where I refuse to trust His way and therefore suffer continued fear, disharmony with Him, and a lack of any peace. I didn't want either A or B. I wanted Option C, the one where God keeps me safe from all harm, all injury, all fear AND I have an intimate relationship with Him and all the peace He offers. I refused to make my choice between A and B because I was subconsciously holding out for an Option C. Only problem was, there is no Option C. God only offers A and B.
I spent quite awhile refusing to choose. Years. It was as if I was a student taking a test and my pencil was hovering over the multiple choice question, not liking either choice. My pencil remained poised, suspended, waiting, unwilling. I kept putting off the decision, holding out for some magical appearance of another option more suited to me. Where was my Option C?! I want C! I was unwilling to accept that my preference simply wasn't an option offered by God.
One day I realized that by not choosing A, I in fact was choosing B. Over and over again. Every day. By not choosing to submit to God being God and trusting Him with my fear and my life, I was passively choosing Option B, to do things on my own and forfeit the shelter of His peace.
What it all boiled down to was that I believed in my heart that what God says is "safe enough" for me was not safe enough for me. There are all kinds of references in the Bible that reveal God does not protect us from all harm. Just remembering the Christian martyrs of the Bible and down through history tells us that. He Himself tells us that in this world we will have tribulation. I hated that. I fought that. I fought tooth and nail from accepting this truth. I questioned God's goodness and His love. I questioned everything. I was desperately afraid to trust a God who practically guarantees that life will hurt. Even life with Him. I just didn't want it to be so. I didn't want "safe enough." I wanted SAFE. All Caps. Bold. Period. Thorough and complete safety.
I resisted accepting what I already knew: that no such safety exists this side of heaven. Oh, how I wanted Option C! This fight went on for years in me. It wasn't an every day thing, but circumstances and events continued to bring it to my attention. God was gracious to sustain me with times of spiritual growth during those years, too. Even though I was resisting trusting Him, He was sweet enough to concentrate on convincing me of His love for me. What an amazing God. Here I am, a scared rabbit hiding in the corner with all my anger and fear keeping Him at bay from me, and He humbly and patiently woos me. How tender and gracious is that! I'm basically thumbing my nose at Him and He stoops down, condescends, to help me believe His love and goodness! Perfect love casts out fear. He knew I would not trust Him unless I truly believed He loves me and has my very best at heart.
Two: God is much more interested in my spiritual maturity, my heart, and my having an intimate trusting relationship with Him than He is interested in my physical safety. I didn't like this at all. Sometimes I still don't. But if I can step out of my fearful circumstances for a moment and get an eternal perspective on things, I realize that my life on this earth here is very short and eternity is very long. I have to admit, investing in the long term is wiser than being driven by every whim and panic of the immediate.
It took me a long time to come to this eternal perspective. (And like I said, it sometimes gets lost behind an onslaught of fear.) I fought it for years as kind of a subconscious undercurrent of resistance. When God would point it out to me through some insight, reminder, or circumstance, I would stomp my feet and look the other way. It was as if I was holding out for another option. God had given me a choice between two ways to live my life. Option A is His way where He decides what is "safe enough" in my life and I trust Him with all that concerns me. Option B is where I refuse to trust His way and therefore suffer continued fear, disharmony with Him, and a lack of any peace. I didn't want either A or B. I wanted Option C, the one where God keeps me safe from all harm, all injury, all fear AND I have an intimate relationship with Him and all the peace He offers. I refused to make my choice between A and B because I was subconsciously holding out for an Option C. Only problem was, there is no Option C. God only offers A and B.
I spent quite awhile refusing to choose. Years. It was as if I was a student taking a test and my pencil was hovering over the multiple choice question, not liking either choice. My pencil remained poised, suspended, waiting, unwilling. I kept putting off the decision, holding out for some magical appearance of another option more suited to me. Where was my Option C?! I want C! I was unwilling to accept that my preference simply wasn't an option offered by God.
One day I realized that by not choosing A, I in fact was choosing B. Over and over again. Every day. By not choosing to submit to God being God and trusting Him with my fear and my life, I was passively choosing Option B, to do things on my own and forfeit the shelter of His peace.
What it all boiled down to was that I believed in my heart that what God says is "safe enough" for me was not safe enough for me. There are all kinds of references in the Bible that reveal God does not protect us from all harm. Just remembering the Christian martyrs of the Bible and down through history tells us that. He Himself tells us that in this world we will have tribulation. I hated that. I fought that. I fought tooth and nail from accepting this truth. I questioned God's goodness and His love. I questioned everything. I was desperately afraid to trust a God who practically guarantees that life will hurt. Even life with Him. I just didn't want it to be so. I didn't want "safe enough." I wanted SAFE. All Caps. Bold. Period. Thorough and complete safety.
I resisted accepting what I already knew: that no such safety exists this side of heaven. Oh, how I wanted Option C! This fight went on for years in me. It wasn't an every day thing, but circumstances and events continued to bring it to my attention. God was gracious to sustain me with times of spiritual growth during those years, too. Even though I was resisting trusting Him, He was sweet enough to concentrate on convincing me of His love for me. What an amazing God. Here I am, a scared rabbit hiding in the corner with all my anger and fear keeping Him at bay from me, and He humbly and patiently woos me. How tender and gracious is that! I'm basically thumbing my nose at Him and He stoops down, condescends, to help me believe His love and goodness! Perfect love casts out fear. He knew I would not trust Him unless I truly believed He loves me and has my very best at heart.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
A Thief Too Strong For Me
Psalm 35:10 says:
"All my bones will say, 'Lord, who is like You, who delivers the afflicted from him who is too strong for him, and the afflicted and the needy from him who robs him?'"
It's easy for me to see fear as the enemy in this verse. My fear is often too strong for me and it certainly robs me. In reading verses like this one, I am filled with hope and encouragement, reminded that God is in the business of being strong for me - and in me - in the areas of my weaknesses. When He says, "Do not be afraid," because of the strength He gives us through His Holy Spirit in us, we can refuse to be owned by our fear. When He says "Fear not," that says we can trust Him in all things.
"All my bones will say, 'Lord, who is like You, who delivers the afflicted from him who is too strong for him, and the afflicted and the needy from him who robs him?'"
It's easy for me to see fear as the enemy in this verse. My fear is often too strong for me and it certainly robs me. In reading verses like this one, I am filled with hope and encouragement, reminded that God is in the business of being strong for me - and in me - in the areas of my weaknesses. When He says, "Do not be afraid," because of the strength He gives us through His Holy Spirit in us, we can refuse to be owned by our fear. When He says "Fear not," that says we can trust Him in all things.
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