A friend of mine sent me an email in response to one of these recent posts pertaining to the monsters of fear and anger within us. She recently learned, from a great Sunday morning message, something else about the resident fear and anger we tend to carry with us. It is definitely worth passing on!
She shared that these two trouble makers are basically rooted in unmet needs. This is a powerful insight that I've been mulling over ever since she emailed me. When a legitimate need in our lives goes unmet, it produces a myriad of emotions that can probably be summed up in frustration and hurt. When we don't know how to properly deal with that frustration and hurt, they go unresolved.
I think this is how fear and anger start to move in and set up camp inside us, becoming our natural and first responses to many things. It's easy to see how a childhood dotted with violation and injury could open the door to the establishment of a fear default. Likewise a childhood of being ignored by one or both parents, being mistreated and disrespected, opens the door for anger to take up residence and become our default response in life.
In recognizing these roots of our fear and anger, we can begin to bring them to God asking questions about them as we embark with Him on the journey of ridding our inner corridors of these pacing resident monsters.
What am I truly afraid of here, Lord?
Why am I so angry over this, Lord?
Is there an unmet need that has triggered this response?
Am I reacting out of reflex because of a series of unmet needs in my past?
What do You want me to know about my fear (or anger) right now, Lord?
Pausing to ask God these questions and slowing down to listen for His answers, we can find "the help of His presence" (Psalm 42:5), remember that He is for us (Psalm 56:9) and wants to lead us into freedom from the hindrances of fear and anger ( John 10:10 - "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." and Galatians 5:1 - "It was for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.")
As we gain insights as to the roots of our fear or anger, encompassing them in prayer is the next step.
Lord, when I'm feeling vulnerable, neglected or mistreated, help me to run to You as my ever vigilant Father, protector and provider.
Help me to find my shelter in You and realize that how others treat me is not a declaration of my value.
Help me to not let fear run roughshod over my relationships, my days, my joys, and purpose.
Help me to trust You with me. Help me to place my vulnerability into Your hands and to know that I am safe there.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Trust Again
Ahh, trust. That word that's so important. The word that sums up the way to deal with every issue we face in life.
Trust God. But how? How do we do it? What's it look like and what's it feel like?
Trust, to me, seems like a bundle of contradictions. It is a passive action. The “doing” of letting go. The action of hands off. It is a strange mixture of doing a “non-doing.”
When I trust, I let go of all rights to control an event. I remove my hands of influence on the outcome. I move toward God.
It's almost, for a moment, an antsy feeling. Like trying so hard not to touch something I've just relinquished over to someone else. It's a matter of handing it over to God and not trying to manage it.
It's funny how after all these years in the company of fear that I somehow grew to think of fear as a tool with which I can somehow manipulate my circumstances. It seems I must subconsciously believe that by being afraid of something, I can control it. Or at least prevent getting blindsided by it.
But fear only serves to steal from me. It steals life, and joy, and peace. Bigger still, it steals from me the beauty of a trusting relationship with God.
I will not know God's perfect love for me if I continue distrusting Him.
If I continue trusting my fear I will never experience God's love.
I must trust His love to know His love.
Trust is a choice. With each additional choice, trust grows and gets easier. Choosing to trust God over my fear is always, always rewarding. It is always strengthening, always beneficial. As I trust Him more, I get to experience His love more. And that's just plain awesome!
Trust God. But how? How do we do it? What's it look like and what's it feel like?
Trust, to me, seems like a bundle of contradictions. It is a passive action. The “doing” of letting go. The action of hands off. It is a strange mixture of doing a “non-doing.”
When I trust, I let go of all rights to control an event. I remove my hands of influence on the outcome. I move toward God.
It's almost, for a moment, an antsy feeling. Like trying so hard not to touch something I've just relinquished over to someone else. It's a matter of handing it over to God and not trying to manage it.
It's funny how after all these years in the company of fear that I somehow grew to think of fear as a tool with which I can somehow manipulate my circumstances. It seems I must subconsciously believe that by being afraid of something, I can control it. Or at least prevent getting blindsided by it.
But fear only serves to steal from me. It steals life, and joy, and peace. Bigger still, it steals from me the beauty of a trusting relationship with God.
I will not know God's perfect love for me if I continue distrusting Him.
If I continue trusting my fear I will never experience God's love.
I must trust His love to know His love.
Trust is a choice. With each additional choice, trust grows and gets easier. Choosing to trust God over my fear is always, always rewarding. It is always strengthening, always beneficial. As I trust Him more, I get to experience His love more. And that's just plain awesome!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Relinquishing The Monster
There is a scene from C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce I'm thinking of right now. The book depicts an imaginary bus ride to heaven where the travelers, hardened by years of self-consumed living and rejection of God, experience the extraordinary “realness” of heaven. They interact with and witness residents of this land of heaven. One scene contains the exchange between a heavenly being and a man who would like to stay but cannot without leaving behind his friend. His “friend” is a lizard-like creature on his shoulder. It whispers in his ear, influencing him mercilessly and growing larger and heavier on his shoulder the more the man attempts to resist him. The man doesn't realize that his familiar companion is no friend at all. He's grown so used to its presence that he greatly fears removing him from his shoulder, even in exchange for heaven itself. The fact remains that this gentleman cannot stay in heaven and keep his lizard. Its removal would mean its death. He has to relinquish his lizard, essentially giving his permission for it to be removed and killed. When he finally did so, the lizard shreiked at the touch of it's slayer. In agony it shriveled and died. It was painful for the man to watch. But then, before his eyes, it turned into an altogether different creature of such beauty the man was amazed. This new and beautiful creature did accompany him in his new heavenly residence.
Like the “lizard guy” in The Great Divorce, we have to voluntarily relinquish our monsters of unhealed fear, relinquisth them for removal. To change metaphors here, we have to voluntarily submit the infected appendage to our Doctor for lancing. But our lizard, our infection, is intangible and so much harder to grab hold of in order to relinquish and surrender over to the Healer. But God is good. He knows this. He knows the difficulty of the relinquishment we face. He knows our weakness and is mindful that we are but dust. (Psalm 103:14) Very precious and highly valued “dust” to Him. He longs for us to give Him full access to our monstrous infection of unhealed fear. He longs for us to trust Him with any pain that accompanies the healing we so deeply long for. It is well worth it and I want it. How do I do it? It all boils down to TRUST again.
Lord help us to lay hold of our intangible infections and lay them out before Your surgeon's hand of healing. Help us to see what to surrender, even it's just a big ball of unclear fearfulness. Give us the courage to give You full access. Help us trust You with any pain that might come from facing things we've avoided for too long. You are the Perfect Healer. You are the Perfect Lover of our souls. We long for the freedom, peace, and rest You died to give us. We will choose to trust You with Your processes for clearing the way of our hearts to receive it.
Like the “lizard guy” in The Great Divorce, we have to voluntarily relinquish our monsters of unhealed fear, relinquisth them for removal. To change metaphors here, we have to voluntarily submit the infected appendage to our Doctor for lancing. But our lizard, our infection, is intangible and so much harder to grab hold of in order to relinquish and surrender over to the Healer. But God is good. He knows this. He knows the difficulty of the relinquishment we face. He knows our weakness and is mindful that we are but dust. (Psalm 103:14) Very precious and highly valued “dust” to Him. He longs for us to give Him full access to our monstrous infection of unhealed fear. He longs for us to trust Him with any pain that accompanies the healing we so deeply long for. It is well worth it and I want it. How do I do it? It all boils down to TRUST again.
Lord help us to lay hold of our intangible infections and lay them out before Your surgeon's hand of healing. Help us to see what to surrender, even it's just a big ball of unclear fearfulness. Give us the courage to give You full access. Help us trust You with any pain that might come from facing things we've avoided for too long. You are the Perfect Healer. You are the Perfect Lover of our souls. We long for the freedom, peace, and rest You died to give us. We will choose to trust You with Your processes for clearing the way of our hearts to receive it.
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