Besieged

"Blessed be the Lord for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city."  ~Psalm 31:21

A strategy of war is to cut off a city from all it's connection with the outside world.  In biblical times cities were often contained within high walls erected to keep enemies out.  Sometimes, however, an enemy would surround the city, making it impossible for anyone of the city to come or go from it's gates.  Without access to the outside, food could not be brought in from the fields or water from the wells.  The objective of the enemy was that as food and supplies dwindled, the people would become desperate for their lives and give themselves over into their hands.

Have you ever felt like fear had you besieged?  I sure have.  Sometimes fear has surrounded me on all sides and blocked off all influx of what I needed to live appropriately.  Rational thought? Cut off.  Common sense? Cut off.  Thought for others?  Cut off.  Strength from God?  Cut off.  Comfort? Hope? Cut off.

When I get so twisted up by fear, God is still there.  So why can't I access Him? Why can't He get through?

I have come to know that when I can't find God in the midst of my fear - in the midst of a fear induced besiegement - it is because I am focusing on my fear rather than focusing on God.  My back it to God while my face is to my fear.  "Where are You,  God?", I shout into my fear.  He replies from behind me, "I am here. Turn to Me."

The amazing thing about our God is that He will even help us turn to Him.  He delights in our baby steps.
"Lord, help me turn to You."  There is also our choice involved.  And we can call upon Him to help us make that choice.  When I get afraid, I can choose to look to Him by reciting scripture to myself, listing off truths about Him and His love, and physically grabbing my Bible and reading His word to us.  Pretty soon, my focus is off my fear because it is on Him. Focusing on Him REPLACED my fear. 

The whole concept of turning is the definition of repentance.  The word "repent" means "to turn".  It's not just a matter of turning FROM fear; it's a matter of turning TO Him.  In fact, I don't think that turning FROM (fear or sin) by itself will really do us any good.  We have to turn TO Jesus.  In fact, I believe that it is by turning to Jesus that we accomplish the turning from we need to do. We actually turn from fear BY turning to Him.

And by turning TO Him, we have eyes to see the lovingkindness He wants to give us.  He loves us so dearly that we can dare to ask Him to show us His love for us.  In the midst of our struggles and failures with fear, He stands ready to show us His love.  He is always ready to marvel us with His detailed love for us even in the midst of my tangle with fear. 

Blessed be the Lord for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city."