We live off the grid. That means we're not connected to any electrical system or water system. Our electricity comes from solar panels and our water from the roof. Rain and snow-melt are collected into two large cisterns, one underground and one above ground. To get water into the house, we pump water from one cistern into a pressurizing tank in our small basement. When a demand is placed on the tank, by turning on a faucet, the water runs through two filters that clean it up for us. We've never had it tested so we still can't drink it or cook with it, but it's fine for everything else.
Here's a Part 1 of a journal entry I wrote in February on a weekend when my husband was out of town and I was alone. It's about changing a water filter, pushing God aside, lesser things, cause-and-effect love, and hearing God.
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February 4, 2012
I didn't have any quiet/connect time with God yesterday. Got up and right at things. I kept meaning to..."a little later." I had a nice day but it felt empty. I felt sad over my neglect of spending time with God. And a little guilty, too.
This morning I've built a fire, walked the dog (we were dog sitting), sorted laundry, started a load in the washer. [Our water situation requires that I pump the tank full of water, fill the washer, stop the washer, pump the tank full of water again, and finally restart the washer. This ensures I don't forget to fill up the pressurizing tank for the rinse cycle. If I forget, I could burn up the washing machine!] I was going to pump water to continue the load of laundry and then I saw the ugly black water filters in serious need of changing. "I'm just going to do them real quick" before I pump water again, restart the washer and then sit down for some God time.
Well, I'm stuck. The black filter jar WILL NOT go all the way on. There's a gap of about 1/16" and the label is at 10 o'clock instead of tightened down to 6 o'clock. It's perfectly clean - both sets of threads - but it won't go on!
Trying to find the joy. I tried downstairs [in the basement where the tank is]. I'm frustrated and feeling next to tears at my helplessness. I don't KNOW what the problem is. I can't muscle it around to tight. There's a gap. Something's wrong, but nothing's wrong! If I don't get that on right it will leak all over. If it won't go on right, I'm without water.
Lord, my first response is to think You're punishing me for not spending time with you yesterday. My first response! Why is that? Do I really still live by such notions in my relationship with You? You are grace. You are love. You delight in me. You are mindful that I am but dust. I am weak and flighty and selfish. I continually seek after my own fulfillment and the satisfying of my own whims. One whim leads me to another and then I've pushed You away all day. You can wait, while I say "no" to You all day! (Yesterday.) Or all morning. (Today.)
But still You love me. Still You wait for me. Still You rejoice over me with singing. Me! The one who pushes You aside time after time choosing lesser things and activities.
"Joy is always here because God is always here."
"Gifts around. Grace abounds.
I just put those words into the "marquee" screen saver of my laptop. You are calling me to practice them. I'm glad I stopped fretting with the filter and came up here to meet You. I love You and You are the greater thing I want to choose first each day. Each opportunity.
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Lesson learned? Not quite. My journal entry continues in my next post.
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