But now...

Nehemiah.

A captive. A slave. Fear and courage mingled within the same person. He was afraid for his life to answer the king's question honestly, but brave enough to do so. Brave enough to pursue a call to tackle a monumental job of repairing the walls of Israel's ruined Jerusalem. And while he was at it, he bravely asked even more of the king. Just as Nehemiah had prayed for, the king had compassion and favor on him. The king not only gave Nehemiah permission to leave his service for a time, he gave him letters for safe passage, escorts, and even provided timber for the project.

The neighboring peoples rather liked the fact that Jerusalem was in ruins. A city with no walls or gates had no protection. For that reason not many people lived there and the ones who did were vulnerable to the whims and assaults of their enemies. Those enemies weren't real happy to see Nehemiah arrive and rally the Israelites into an enthusiastic reconstruction crew. They taunted, ridiculed and threatened. Repeatedly.

Nehemiah 6:9 is a powerful verse to me. Uplifting. Inspiring. Encouraging. It says,

"For all of them were trying to frighten us, thinking, 'They will become discouraged with the work and it will not be done.' But now, O God, strengthen my hands."

But now, O God...

I love how Nehemiah addressed the fear head on. He recognized the source and intent of it but was determined not to fall victim to it. He knew he needed God's help to do that. Jerusalem was vulnerable because her walls were a rubble and Nehemiah was vulnerable, too. He was no stranger to fear. But he faced the fear by taking it to God. Every time.

He seemed to recognize his fear for what it was, an enemy of God's purpose. Nehemiah had a resolve to trust God, to honor God, and to fulfill God's intended purpose for him and for the project. He viewed his fear through that resolve, but recognized his weakness.

But now, O God, strengthen my hands.

Between the lines of Nehemiah 6:9, I read my own story, my own fear. I hear my own voice betraying the truth of my condition.

For all of them were trying to frighten us (and I am scared, God), thinking "They will become discouraged with the work" (It is a huge work, God. There is such opposition, such danger. Discouragement lurks so near to overtake me.) and it will not be done." (Can we really do this, God?)

My habit has been to stop right there and set up camp. To dwell there. Right there with fear circling, discouragement lurking, and doubt creeping. Usually, for me, the work does not get done.

But not Nehemiah. He doesn't fall prey to the enemy's tactics.

But now, O God, strengthen my hands.

But now... right in the midst of fear. Oh no! There's a threat!
But now... right in the midst of ridicule. Who do you think you are?
But now... right in the midst of discouragement. Right in the face of doubt. You can't do this!

O God... You are good.
O God... You are mighty to save.
O God... I need You.
O God... You are with me.
O God... You have a purpose for me.
O God... You! You.

Strengthen my hands... because I can't move forward without it.
Strengthen my hands... because I don't want to let fear enslave me.
Strengthen my hands... I don't want to quit. And without Your help, I might.
Strengthen my hands... because You want to give me more than I ever dreamed I could have. Freedom.
Strengthen my hands... because I want it.
Strengthen my hands, strengthen my heart ... because I want You.

But now, O God... strengthen.

But now, O God...