After feeling guilty for putting God off for almost two days, and after getting myself into deep trouble with a water filter that wouldn't seal completely, I gave up and went upstairs to subdue the rising panic. I wrote in my journal (yesterday's blog post) and sorted through my erroneous theology about God's love being dependent on my behavior. I began to feel better, feeling like I'd finally given God the attention I was "supposed" to give Him the day and the hours before my filter fiasco. Here's what I wrote next:
- - - - -
February 4, 2012 Journal, continued
"Because I feel better, I'm tempted to run off and try to finish up with the water filter. My cause-and-effect belief system is tempting me to hope that NOW the filter will cooperate. NOW that I've sat down with You like I "should have" yesterday and first thing this morning, NOW that I've gotten my priorities right...NOW it will work, right?
Two things: 1.) there's that "gotta earn it" system again, and 2.) have I really honored You in this time, or have I just worked through some thoughts about it? I haven't given You my full attention. It's been all about me and my filter issue and my earning-Your-favor issue. I have heard You softly speak to me, saying:
Your love stands, regardless of my whim-led choices that push You aside.
You are my best choice; all else is lesser.
I love You and want You.
I miss You when I don't choose You.
But all these gentle words have come to me "edge wise." While I've been doing so much talking You've slipped them in, between my many words. What if You want to say something else to me? What if You want me to be quiet and still, after You've let me pour out my heart to You, and hear You say something else to me? Maybe something that has nothing to do with my present circumstances of the morning. Maybe You wanted to say it to me yesterday.
I am distracted. By hunger. By a washer full of clothes. By a filter and casing sitting on the shelf in the basement instead of in their place in the filtration system. Can I listen to You now with all that clamouring at my mind?
(A little later) I chose a lesser thing - my stomach - staving off the distraction of hunger, hoping it will help me hear. Will it? Or did it just stop up my ears? ...Eat, drink, my attention divided. A few more moments I have put You off.
But You are Emmanuel, God With Us. God with me. Oh, how I love You for that humbling and magnificent gift. You! With me!Enjoying cookies and milk and a beautifully created, begging kitty. Gifts around. Grace abounds. Thank You for cookies. Thank You for milk. Thank you for Bobo (begging kitty). Thank You for the warmth of a fire in our stove. For blue skies outside and Your love inside. You are amazing God. Thank You for waiting. Thank You for Your glorious humility, Your grace.
And now the dog wants out!"
---I'm learning that when I give God my full attention and let the clamouring things go, that He blesses me with peace. When I come to Him - not out of duty, or guilt, or a fear that He will be displeased with me - but to simply experience His presence and be with Him, I find that the clutter in my head and heart slip away. When I focus on Him, on who He is, how He loves me, what He's done, peace enters. It's as if I exhale all else and breathe Him in. It fills my heart with calm. I see how amazing He is. And I see how much He wants to bless me with Himself.
That's why He wants us to sit with Him. Not because He wants obedient servants, which He does, but because He wants to give us Himself. He absolutely wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. But He also wants us to listen. He wants to teach us how to listen. He invites us to take the time with Him to learn how. During those two days of my journal I had felt that invitation, and I pushed it aside for lesser things. When I ended up in a significant problem with the water filter, I was stopped in my tracks. At an impasse (why is it only when I reach an impasse?) I finally decided to let it all go - my agenda - and sit with Him. I felt the comfort of laying my heart on the table before Him. But I wasn't listening. I was still full of clutter. Still He blessed me.
I'm so thankful that He is the God of all comfort, that He invites us to pour out our hearts to Him (Psalm 62:8) and that He is with us. I'm thankful He wants to say things to me, too. I'm thankful He is so loving, so humble, so gracious, and so patient that He condescends to having to slip in words edge wise with me. And that He is pleased, even then, when I hear them.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Conditional Love?
We live off the grid. That means we're not connected to any electrical system or water system. Our electricity comes from solar panels and our water from the roof. Rain and snow-melt are collected into two large cisterns, one underground and one above ground. To get water into the house, we pump water from one cistern into a pressurizing tank in our small basement. When a demand is placed on the tank, by turning on a faucet, the water runs through two filters that clean it up for us. We've never had it tested so we still can't drink it or cook with it, but it's fine for everything else.
Here's a Part 1 of a journal entry I wrote in February on a weekend when my husband was out of town and I was alone. It's about changing a water filter, pushing God aside, lesser things, cause-and-effect love, and hearing God.
- - - - - -
February 4, 2012
I didn't have any quiet/connect time with God yesterday. Got up and right at things. I kept meaning to..."a little later." I had a nice day but it felt empty. I felt sad over my neglect of spending time with God. And a little guilty, too.
This morning I've built a fire, walked the dog (we were dog sitting), sorted laundry, started a load in the washer. [Our water situation requires that I pump the tank full of water, fill the washer, stop the washer, pump the tank full of water again, and finally restart the washer. This ensures I don't forget to fill up the pressurizing tank for the rinse cycle. If I forget, I could burn up the washing machine!] I was going to pump water to continue the load of laundry and then I saw the ugly black water filters in serious need of changing. "I'm just going to do them real quick" before I pump water again, restart the washer and then sit down for some God time.
Well, I'm stuck. The black filter jar WILL NOT go all the way on. There's a gap of about 1/16" and the label is at 10 o'clock instead of tightened down to 6 o'clock. It's perfectly clean - both sets of threads - but it won't go on!
Trying to find the joy. I tried downstairs [in the basement where the tank is]. I'm frustrated and feeling next to tears at my helplessness. I don't KNOW what the problem is. I can't muscle it around to tight. There's a gap. Something's wrong, but nothing's wrong! If I don't get that on right it will leak all over. If it won't go on right, I'm without water.
Lord, my first response is to think You're punishing me for not spending time with you yesterday. My first response! Why is that? Do I really still live by such notions in my relationship with You? You are grace. You are love. You delight in me. You are mindful that I am but dust. I am weak and flighty and selfish. I continually seek after my own fulfillment and the satisfying of my own whims. One whim leads me to another and then I've pushed You away all day. You can wait, while I say "no" to You all day! (Yesterday.) Or all morning. (Today.)
But still You love me. Still You wait for me. Still You rejoice over me with singing. Me! The one who pushes You aside time after time choosing lesser things and activities.
"Joy is always here because God is always here."
"Gifts around. Grace abounds.
I just put those words into the "marquee" screen saver of my laptop. You are calling me to practice them. I'm glad I stopped fretting with the filter and came up here to meet You. I love You and You are the greater thing I want to choose first each day. Each opportunity.
- - - - -
Lesson learned? Not quite. My journal entry continues in my next post.
Here's a Part 1 of a journal entry I wrote in February on a weekend when my husband was out of town and I was alone. It's about changing a water filter, pushing God aside, lesser things, cause-and-effect love, and hearing God.
- - - - - -
February 4, 2012
I didn't have any quiet/connect time with God yesterday. Got up and right at things. I kept meaning to..."a little later." I had a nice day but it felt empty. I felt sad over my neglect of spending time with God. And a little guilty, too.
This morning I've built a fire, walked the dog (we were dog sitting), sorted laundry, started a load in the washer. [Our water situation requires that I pump the tank full of water, fill the washer, stop the washer, pump the tank full of water again, and finally restart the washer. This ensures I don't forget to fill up the pressurizing tank for the rinse cycle. If I forget, I could burn up the washing machine!] I was going to pump water to continue the load of laundry and then I saw the ugly black water filters in serious need of changing. "I'm just going to do them real quick" before I pump water again, restart the washer and then sit down for some God time.
Well, I'm stuck. The black filter jar WILL NOT go all the way on. There's a gap of about 1/16" and the label is at 10 o'clock instead of tightened down to 6 o'clock. It's perfectly clean - both sets of threads - but it won't go on!
Trying to find the joy. I tried downstairs [in the basement where the tank is]. I'm frustrated and feeling next to tears at my helplessness. I don't KNOW what the problem is. I can't muscle it around to tight. There's a gap. Something's wrong, but nothing's wrong! If I don't get that on right it will leak all over. If it won't go on right, I'm without water.
Lord, my first response is to think You're punishing me for not spending time with you yesterday. My first response! Why is that? Do I really still live by such notions in my relationship with You? You are grace. You are love. You delight in me. You are mindful that I am but dust. I am weak and flighty and selfish. I continually seek after my own fulfillment and the satisfying of my own whims. One whim leads me to another and then I've pushed You away all day. You can wait, while I say "no" to You all day! (Yesterday.) Or all morning. (Today.)
But still You love me. Still You wait for me. Still You rejoice over me with singing. Me! The one who pushes You aside time after time choosing lesser things and activities.
"Joy is always here because God is always here."
"Gifts around. Grace abounds.
I just put those words into the "marquee" screen saver of my laptop. You are calling me to practice them. I'm glad I stopped fretting with the filter and came up here to meet You. I love You and You are the greater thing I want to choose first each day. Each opportunity.
- - - - -
Lesson learned? Not quite. My journal entry continues in my next post.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
A Sacred Work
Before the church service ended, she began sobbing. Her husband enfolded her in his arms. In the middle of a row, surrounded by people, she leaned into his chest and cried. He didn't try to make her stop, didn't try to hustle her off, or look around apologetically. He just held her. Occasionally her soft wails rose above the voice of communion. A final song. A final prayer. Still she cried.
The service over now, people made their way outside. I couldn't leave. Captivated by this woman and what was going on in her heart, I prayed for her as I lingered toward the back. The pastor leaned over a chair and spoke briefly to her husband. I imagine he said something like, “Stay as long as you need. I'll be just outside.”
It was the day after the church's first 24/7 prayer week and God was moving. Artists and prayer team members had been working for months to create a soothing, inspiring place for us to meet with God. The prayer stations invited quiet reflection, scripture meditation, worship, and meeting with God in a deeply personal way. God was indeed moving, in and amongst His people, drawing us closer to Him.
As I remained in the back of the church, occasionally letting my eyes drift back to this woman, I appreciated that no one moved in to “make it all better.” Some gave quiet affirmations to her husband and made tissues available, but it stood out that people respected their privacy, her need. Sometimes we Christians can be uncomfortable with such raw pain. There's a temptation to race in prematurely with noble attempts to resolve it. We want to hurry the process of recovery from such a vulnerable outpouring.
Not this day. People seemed to know she was doing business with God. Better said, God was doing business with her. I marvelled to myself, “God is doing a sacred work in her. Right now, right here.” I don't know what that work was, but I knew at that very moment I was witnessing God's sacred work in an individual. I felt privileged to be there and be part of it through my prayers and compassion toward this dear woman.
God's heart is to work in my life, too. To transform it into one that knows and loves Him more this minute than the last. I know He is always working in us, but witnessing His work in action in someone's life so dramatically has given me new eyes for it. “Do Your sacred work in me” became my prayer that day.
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6, NASB)
“fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith...” (Hebrews 12:2, NASB)
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes.” (Romans 8:28, NASB)
That He works in us is amazing.
That He transforms us is astounding.
His work in us is holy.
His work in us is a sacred work.
I want to be changed. I want to be transformed. I need His sacred work in me.
Do Your sacred work in me, Lord!
The service over now, people made their way outside. I couldn't leave. Captivated by this woman and what was going on in her heart, I prayed for her as I lingered toward the back. The pastor leaned over a chair and spoke briefly to her husband. I imagine he said something like, “Stay as long as you need. I'll be just outside.”
It was the day after the church's first 24/7 prayer week and God was moving. Artists and prayer team members had been working for months to create a soothing, inspiring place for us to meet with God. The prayer stations invited quiet reflection, scripture meditation, worship, and meeting with God in a deeply personal way. God was indeed moving, in and amongst His people, drawing us closer to Him.
As I remained in the back of the church, occasionally letting my eyes drift back to this woman, I appreciated that no one moved in to “make it all better.” Some gave quiet affirmations to her husband and made tissues available, but it stood out that people respected their privacy, her need. Sometimes we Christians can be uncomfortable with such raw pain. There's a temptation to race in prematurely with noble attempts to resolve it. We want to hurry the process of recovery from such a vulnerable outpouring.
Not this day. People seemed to know she was doing business with God. Better said, God was doing business with her. I marvelled to myself, “God is doing a sacred work in her. Right now, right here.” I don't know what that work was, but I knew at that very moment I was witnessing God's sacred work in an individual. I felt privileged to be there and be part of it through my prayers and compassion toward this dear woman.
God's heart is to work in my life, too. To transform it into one that knows and loves Him more this minute than the last. I know He is always working in us, but witnessing His work in action in someone's life so dramatically has given me new eyes for it. “Do Your sacred work in me” became my prayer that day.
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6, NASB)
“fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith...” (Hebrews 12:2, NASB)
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes.” (Romans 8:28, NASB)
That He works in us is amazing.
That He transforms us is astounding.
His work in us is holy.
His work in us is a sacred work.
I want to be changed. I want to be transformed. I need His sacred work in me.
Do Your sacred work in me, Lord!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Changing Gears Here, 2
SHAKING OFF. CHANGING GEARS. FEARING.
I find now, a few months and a couple holidays after my second writing conference, I'm still a bit muddled. (See preceding post.) I think a lot of it's because of fear. Fear because I've felt drawn (beckoned, compelled) to write differently than I've dared to before. More openly. More honestly. Broader and wider.
I'm also muddled about how to write. When I started this blog about fear, even though my sidebar states, "Hey, I'm no authority," I think deep down I felt I had to speak authoritatively. It only stifled me, this subtle, unwelcome notion that if I'm to speak to the matter of fear and be of any help to others I must take on some bolstered voice of wisdom. And it probably produced some awkward words. Maybe none of what I've felt has shown up between the lines. Maybe it's only obvious to me. Maybe it's been glaringly clear.
I still feel the weight of the "thing" hanging around trying to misshape my writing. I think the trouble lies in the mantle "be of some help". It's made me feel I have to rise up high in my chair and have something to teach. But what I learn most from is a bared heart. What God uses most in my life is someone else's story, lived out before me in written words. Live and up close. I want to learn to write that way. Live and up close. Not just past tense with a safe distance between my words and my heart.
I've felt the voice of vulnerability beckoning me into new territory for this blog. I want to dare to bare more of my real journey. I think I want to. (She says, afraid of her own words, snatching them away immediately after they've left her fingers.) I want to, but I'm afraid to. I'm not sure how to do this thing I see out there motioning me to come. I'm not sure what it will look like. But I think it includes a broader spectrum of experiences, lessons, and revelations from my own time with God. More present tense, so to speak. Broader than merely dealing with fear directly, though fear is still at the root of most things for me.
So, I'm changing gears here on this blog. Soon it will have a new name. Because I want to write more broadly, I'll change the name from "From Fear to Eternity" to a name that has been a prayer of mine for several years. I'll attempt to freshen up the sidebar here on the blog, include a broader scope of life with God, and a broader picture of my journey with Him. Journeys from fear to trust are many faceted. Perhaps you'll even see some of my raw journal entries, full of their questions, ponderings, evolutions of thought, discoveries. Sometimes there may just be the questions, unanswered and reverberating.
We'll just have to wait and see what comes.
I find now, a few months and a couple holidays after my second writing conference, I'm still a bit muddled. (See preceding post.) I think a lot of it's because of fear. Fear because I've felt drawn (beckoned, compelled) to write differently than I've dared to before. More openly. More honestly. Broader and wider.
I'm also muddled about how to write. When I started this blog about fear, even though my sidebar states, "Hey, I'm no authority," I think deep down I felt I had to speak authoritatively. It only stifled me, this subtle, unwelcome notion that if I'm to speak to the matter of fear and be of any help to others I must take on some bolstered voice of wisdom. And it probably produced some awkward words. Maybe none of what I've felt has shown up between the lines. Maybe it's only obvious to me. Maybe it's been glaringly clear.
I still feel the weight of the "thing" hanging around trying to misshape my writing. I think the trouble lies in the mantle "be of some help". It's made me feel I have to rise up high in my chair and have something to teach. But what I learn most from is a bared heart. What God uses most in my life is someone else's story, lived out before me in written words. Live and up close. I want to learn to write that way. Live and up close. Not just past tense with a safe distance between my words and my heart.
I've felt the voice of vulnerability beckoning me into new territory for this blog. I want to dare to bare more of my real journey. I think I want to. (She says, afraid of her own words, snatching them away immediately after they've left her fingers.) I want to, but I'm afraid to. I'm not sure how to do this thing I see out there motioning me to come. I'm not sure what it will look like. But I think it includes a broader spectrum of experiences, lessons, and revelations from my own time with God. More present tense, so to speak. Broader than merely dealing with fear directly, though fear is still at the root of most things for me.
So, I'm changing gears here on this blog. Soon it will have a new name. Because I want to write more broadly, I'll change the name from "From Fear to Eternity" to a name that has been a prayer of mine for several years. I'll attempt to freshen up the sidebar here on the blog, include a broader scope of life with God, and a broader picture of my journey with Him. Journeys from fear to trust are many faceted. Perhaps you'll even see some of my raw journal entries, full of their questions, ponderings, evolutions of thought, discoveries. Sometimes there may just be the questions, unanswered and reverberating.
We'll just have to wait and see what comes.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Changing Gears Here, 1
MUDDLED, CONFUSED, AND SILENCED
As a newcomer to writing with a purpose, I've struggled to find my "voice". Over the last 18 months or so since I began this blog I've learned much and also been much confused. About matters of voice, message, purpose. About writing in general.
Wanting to "get serious" about writing and being of use with my writing, I attended my first writers' conference in the fall of 2010. It was a wonderful experience but 10 months later, approaching the 2011 conference, I finally began analyzing the confusion that had settled in upon me after the first one. It was a confusion that froze and silenced me.
Before, I just wrote. Afterwards, I felt a pressure to write "rightly" and pursue publication. One of the great things about writers' conferences is the opportunity to meet with editors and publishers in person, speeding past the regular slow process of submitting ideas, articles, and proposals. It's a real advantage. I knew I wasn't ready for it, but still, I fell under it's sneaky influence. I grew muddled and uncertain: of my voice, my content, direction and purpose. When I tried to write there was this outside "thing" hanging over me, pushing and prodding me, trying to shape my writing into something submittable. I stopped writing.
I'd won a scholarship to the 2011 conference, which greatly encouraged me. However, with nothing to show for the year --no articles or book proposals to present-- I wondered why I should even go. A desire to learn more and reunite with friends made last year were my only reasons. Those and a rather disheartened concept of perseverance.
As I reflected over my quiet, 10-month freak-out, I determined to relax about the next conference. I decided to expect nothing, bravely admit my wasted year, and see what God had for me. I'd felt Him whispering to me to forget all about the "world" and "business" of writing, and just write. I tried to shake off the pressures I'd adopted but I still felt them close by. I committed to attending the conference with open hands and one agenda: listening to God. I didn't know what workshops I'd attend, what continuing class I'd choose, or what awaited me. I would go a day early and spend the day alone with God and take the rest as it came.
I had a wonderful retreat day. It was cold but with a gorgeous blue sky and sunshine. I took photos, went to the prayer cabin, and spent the afternoon alone in my shared room. I listened, prayed, read, and jouralled, along with writing for the conference compilation book. I reviewed the workshop offerings and released all the "how-to" classes about writing instruction and publication. They are what created the pressure that snuck up on me last year and stole away my words. Though I love the details of improving the craft of writing, there's time for that later. I needed to gain my equilibrium and let God speak to my heart. I largely chose workshops with spiritual content addressing the life behind the writing, the reasons, the source. I was blessed. Hugely blessed.
Still....
As a newcomer to writing with a purpose, I've struggled to find my "voice". Over the last 18 months or so since I began this blog I've learned much and also been much confused. About matters of voice, message, purpose. About writing in general.
Wanting to "get serious" about writing and being of use with my writing, I attended my first writers' conference in the fall of 2010. It was a wonderful experience but 10 months later, approaching the 2011 conference, I finally began analyzing the confusion that had settled in upon me after the first one. It was a confusion that froze and silenced me.
Before, I just wrote. Afterwards, I felt a pressure to write "rightly" and pursue publication. One of the great things about writers' conferences is the opportunity to meet with editors and publishers in person, speeding past the regular slow process of submitting ideas, articles, and proposals. It's a real advantage. I knew I wasn't ready for it, but still, I fell under it's sneaky influence. I grew muddled and uncertain: of my voice, my content, direction and purpose. When I tried to write there was this outside "thing" hanging over me, pushing and prodding me, trying to shape my writing into something submittable. I stopped writing.
I'd won a scholarship to the 2011 conference, which greatly encouraged me. However, with nothing to show for the year --no articles or book proposals to present-- I wondered why I should even go. A desire to learn more and reunite with friends made last year were my only reasons. Those and a rather disheartened concept of perseverance.
As I reflected over my quiet, 10-month freak-out, I determined to relax about the next conference. I decided to expect nothing, bravely admit my wasted year, and see what God had for me. I'd felt Him whispering to me to forget all about the "world" and "business" of writing, and just write. I tried to shake off the pressures I'd adopted but I still felt them close by. I committed to attending the conference with open hands and one agenda: listening to God. I didn't know what workshops I'd attend, what continuing class I'd choose, or what awaited me. I would go a day early and spend the day alone with God and take the rest as it came.
I had a wonderful retreat day. It was cold but with a gorgeous blue sky and sunshine. I took photos, went to the prayer cabin, and spent the afternoon alone in my shared room. I listened, prayed, read, and jouralled, along with writing for the conference compilation book. I reviewed the workshop offerings and released all the "how-to" classes about writing instruction and publication. They are what created the pressure that snuck up on me last year and stole away my words. Though I love the details of improving the craft of writing, there's time for that later. I needed to gain my equilibrium and let God speak to my heart. I largely chose workshops with spiritual content addressing the life behind the writing, the reasons, the source. I was blessed. Hugely blessed.
Still....
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Nehemiah's Faith Continued
Nehemiah didn't let intimidation, ridicule, and threats thwart his trust in God or his determination to carry on His calling on his life. Continuing from yesterday, on through the rebuilding of the wall, here are some more examples of Nehemiah's faith and grit to persevere.
Nehemiah 4:11-13
Israel's enemies didn't quit either. They kept coming back with increased pressure trying to put an end to the work of repairing Jerusalem's wall and gates. They planned an even stealthier attack and boasted "They will not know or see until we come among them, kill them, and put a stop to the work."
But the people of Israel didn't live only in the city of Jerusalem. They also lived in the country surrounding the city and they heard the boasting. Nehemiah writes that these Jews "told us ten times."
Nehemiah responded with courage and grit. He stationed people at all the lowest places of the wall and at the gates (which did not yet have their doors rebuilt). He stationed people with swords, spears, and bows. When he saw the people's fear, he encouraged the people saying, "Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome..." He also encouraged them to fight! Fight for their brothers, sons, daughters, wives and homes.
Fight. I can't really win a fight against my fear on my own. Only trusting God can conquer my fear. But I do need to be involved in the fight. I need to fight lies with the truth. The truth that God is trustworthy, that He is good, that He knows what He's doing, that He loves me more than I can imagine, and that He wants only the best for me. I need to “remember the Lord who is great and awesome...and fight!”
Israel's enemies heard that their plan had been frustrated and backed off. But Nehemiah persisted in being proactive, preparing for an attack and at the same time not letting anything stop the work.
“...then all of us returned to the wall, each one to his work. And it came about from that day on, that half of my servants carried on the work while half of them held the spears, the shields, the bows, and the breastplates... Those who were rebuilding the wall and those who carried burdens took their load with one hand doing the work and the other holding a weapon. As for the builders, each wore his sword girded at his side as he built...”
Talk about courage and gritty determination! They even took their weapons with them when they fetched water. And they never changed their clothes. They were determined to watch for the enemy and continue the work.
Am I that determined to watch for the enemy? My real enemy? Not my imagined and misguided enemies. My real enemy, the one that robs me of peace and freedom, is the enemy of us all. He comes to steal and destroy (John 10:10) and he accomplishes that in me by sneaking fear in through the back door of my circumstances. Sometimes, I'm a victim of a stealthy attack just like Sanballot and Tobias had planned for the Jews. I don't even know I've been sucked in to fear and suddenly I'm functioning out of it. I need to be more attuned to enemy tactics and catch on sooner, taking it to God and moving forward in proactive trust in Him.
Good, ole Nehemiah. After all this legitimate fear and threat, he comes out with another casual comment in 4:21, “So we carried on the work.” Ho hum. Yeh, so, we kept building.
Nehemiah 6:1-9
The enemies heard that the wall was finished and all that remained were the gates to rebuild. Time was running short for the enemy to keep Jerusalem vulnerable to their own advantage. They plotted together to kill Nehemiah. They invited him to come meet with them. (Yeh, right! Did they think he was stupid?) Nehemiah refused, stating the obvious, “Um, I'm pretty busy here. I can't come.” Four times they sent the “invitation” to him. The fifth time they accused him of planning to rebel against the king and insinuated blackmail was forthcoming. Nehemiah calmly sent his reply, simply stating they'd made it up and it's not true.
Then Nehemiah prays.
“For all of them were trying to frighten us thinking, 'They will become discouraged with the work and it will not be done.' But now, O God, strengthen my hands.” (Neh. 6:9)
He prays for strength. Hidden within that verse is also a prayer for courage and strength of heart. And that brings us back to my second post about Nehemiah, But Now...
Faced with a monumental task--which he desired to do for the glory of God--Nehemiah experienced fear, challenges, ridicule, mocking, vulnerability, danger, threats, and death plots. In response he prayed and he kept working hard. He didn't quit and didn't falter. He didn't let difficulty, opposition, or danger thwart his progress. Nehemiah kept moving forward despite the enemy's intimidation, despite his own fear, and despite very real danger.
He didn't let fear stop him.
That's why Nehemiah is my hero.
Nehemiah 4:11-13
Israel's enemies didn't quit either. They kept coming back with increased pressure trying to put an end to the work of repairing Jerusalem's wall and gates. They planned an even stealthier attack and boasted "They will not know or see until we come among them, kill them, and put a stop to the work."
But the people of Israel didn't live only in the city of Jerusalem. They also lived in the country surrounding the city and they heard the boasting. Nehemiah writes that these Jews "told us ten times."
Nehemiah responded with courage and grit. He stationed people at all the lowest places of the wall and at the gates (which did not yet have their doors rebuilt). He stationed people with swords, spears, and bows. When he saw the people's fear, he encouraged the people saying, "Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome..." He also encouraged them to fight! Fight for their brothers, sons, daughters, wives and homes.
Fight. I can't really win a fight against my fear on my own. Only trusting God can conquer my fear. But I do need to be involved in the fight. I need to fight lies with the truth. The truth that God is trustworthy, that He is good, that He knows what He's doing, that He loves me more than I can imagine, and that He wants only the best for me. I need to “remember the Lord who is great and awesome...and fight!”
Israel's enemies heard that their plan had been frustrated and backed off. But Nehemiah persisted in being proactive, preparing for an attack and at the same time not letting anything stop the work.
“...then all of us returned to the wall, each one to his work. And it came about from that day on, that half of my servants carried on the work while half of them held the spears, the shields, the bows, and the breastplates... Those who were rebuilding the wall and those who carried burdens took their load with one hand doing the work and the other holding a weapon. As for the builders, each wore his sword girded at his side as he built...”
Talk about courage and gritty determination! They even took their weapons with them when they fetched water. And they never changed their clothes. They were determined to watch for the enemy and continue the work.
Am I that determined to watch for the enemy? My real enemy? Not my imagined and misguided enemies. My real enemy, the one that robs me of peace and freedom, is the enemy of us all. He comes to steal and destroy (John 10:10) and he accomplishes that in me by sneaking fear in through the back door of my circumstances. Sometimes, I'm a victim of a stealthy attack just like Sanballot and Tobias had planned for the Jews. I don't even know I've been sucked in to fear and suddenly I'm functioning out of it. I need to be more attuned to enemy tactics and catch on sooner, taking it to God and moving forward in proactive trust in Him.
Good, ole Nehemiah. After all this legitimate fear and threat, he comes out with another casual comment in 4:21, “So we carried on the work.” Ho hum. Yeh, so, we kept building.
Nehemiah 6:1-9
The enemies heard that the wall was finished and all that remained were the gates to rebuild. Time was running short for the enemy to keep Jerusalem vulnerable to their own advantage. They plotted together to kill Nehemiah. They invited him to come meet with them. (Yeh, right! Did they think he was stupid?) Nehemiah refused, stating the obvious, “Um, I'm pretty busy here. I can't come.” Four times they sent the “invitation” to him. The fifth time they accused him of planning to rebel against the king and insinuated blackmail was forthcoming. Nehemiah calmly sent his reply, simply stating they'd made it up and it's not true.
Then Nehemiah prays.
“For all of them were trying to frighten us thinking, 'They will become discouraged with the work and it will not be done.' But now, O God, strengthen my hands.” (Neh. 6:9)
He prays for strength. Hidden within that verse is also a prayer for courage and strength of heart. And that brings us back to my second post about Nehemiah, But Now...
Faced with a monumental task--which he desired to do for the glory of God--Nehemiah experienced fear, challenges, ridicule, mocking, vulnerability, danger, threats, and death plots. In response he prayed and he kept working hard. He didn't quit and didn't falter. He didn't let difficulty, opposition, or danger thwart his progress. Nehemiah kept moving forward despite the enemy's intimidation, despite his own fear, and despite very real danger.
He didn't let fear stop him.
That's why Nehemiah is my hero.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Faith, Prayer, and Grit
I love the way Nehemiah responds to trouble. Throughout the project of rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem he encountered opposition, ridicule, threats, plans to attack the city, and even plans to kill him. He responded to each circumstance with faith, prayer, and grit.
Check out the intimidation, mocking and threats he faced and how he responded to them.
Nehemiah 2:10-16
Neighboring leaders were "very displeased that someone was seeking the welfare of Israel."
Not to be intimidated, Nehemiah went on to inspect the walls. He took care to do so under cover of night and not yet reveal his intentions to the people. He'd had a plan and moved forward with it.
Nehemiah 2:19-20
Sanballot, Tobiah, and Geshem "mocked and despised" them. "What is this thing you are doing? Are you rebelling against the king?" It seems they wanted to intimidate Nehemiah and suggest that they'd tell the king all about his plans. They didn't know Nehemiah had the full blessing of the king.
Nehemiah's response? He got in their faces, so to speak. He told them: "The God of heaven will give us success, therefore we His servants will arise and build, but you have no portion, right or memorial in Jerusalem."
I love that response! "HEY! You have no place in this matter. You have no right to even speak to it, so just back off!" This makes me think of my fear. Christ bought my freedom and healing, has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9), and has given me everything pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). I do not have to give in to fear, obeying it's commands. Nehemiah's example reminds me that fear has no portion or right to me.
Nehemiah 4:1-6
Sanballot became furious and mocked Israel. Tobiah joined in the mocking saying, "Even what they are building - if a fox should jump on it, he would break down their stone wall."
Nehemiah's response: He prayed. "Hear, O our God, how we are despised? Return their reproach on their own heads."
Then what did Nehemiah do?
"So we built the wall and the whole wall was joined together to half its height for the people had a mind to work." They just kept on going, not letting the enemy thwart their purpose and their drive to finish the work.
I love the casual way it's stated, like it's not big deal. I picture the telling of a captivating tale.
"Really? They said that? Oh my gosh! What did you do?"
"Oh, we built the wall."
Nehemiah 4:7-10
Enemies heard the work went on and that breaches began to be closed, and they became very angry. They conspired together to come and attack Jerusalem.
When Nehemiah got wind of it, his response was to pray and take action. "But we prayed to our God, and because of them we set up a guard against them day and night."
They partnered with God in thwarting the enemy's plans to disrupt the work. They prayed and they employed wisdom. They carried on the work; they didn't sit down and quit, or even wait for things to settle down. They proactively set up a guard against the enemy and carried on.
(More tomorrow.)
Check out the intimidation, mocking and threats he faced and how he responded to them.
Nehemiah 2:10-16
Neighboring leaders were "very displeased that someone was seeking the welfare of Israel."
Not to be intimidated, Nehemiah went on to inspect the walls. He took care to do so under cover of night and not yet reveal his intentions to the people. He'd had a plan and moved forward with it.
Nehemiah 2:19-20
Sanballot, Tobiah, and Geshem "mocked and despised" them. "What is this thing you are doing? Are you rebelling against the king?" It seems they wanted to intimidate Nehemiah and suggest that they'd tell the king all about his plans. They didn't know Nehemiah had the full blessing of the king.
Nehemiah's response? He got in their faces, so to speak. He told them: "The God of heaven will give us success, therefore we His servants will arise and build, but you have no portion, right or memorial in Jerusalem."
I love that response! "HEY! You have no place in this matter. You have no right to even speak to it, so just back off!" This makes me think of my fear. Christ bought my freedom and healing, has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9), and has given me everything pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). I do not have to give in to fear, obeying it's commands. Nehemiah's example reminds me that fear has no portion or right to me.
Nehemiah 4:1-6
Sanballot became furious and mocked Israel. Tobiah joined in the mocking saying, "Even what they are building - if a fox should jump on it, he would break down their stone wall."
Nehemiah's response: He prayed. "Hear, O our God, how we are despised? Return their reproach on their own heads."
Then what did Nehemiah do?
"So we built the wall and the whole wall was joined together to half its height for the people had a mind to work." They just kept on going, not letting the enemy thwart their purpose and their drive to finish the work.
I love the casual way it's stated, like it's not big deal. I picture the telling of a captivating tale.
"Really? They said that? Oh my gosh! What did you do?"
"Oh, we built the wall."
Nehemiah 4:7-10
Enemies heard the work went on and that breaches began to be closed, and they became very angry. They conspired together to come and attack Jerusalem.
When Nehemiah got wind of it, his response was to pray and take action. "But we prayed to our God, and because of them we set up a guard against them day and night."
They partnered with God in thwarting the enemy's plans to disrupt the work. They prayed and they employed wisdom. They carried on the work; they didn't sit down and quit, or even wait for things to settle down. They proactively set up a guard against the enemy and carried on.
(More tomorrow.)
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